Spatagram

Study A Broad.

2011-11-15T15:34:00.000-08:00

I've had many formidable influences in my life. Many of them strong, surly sweethearts. Women of a certain demeanor, coolness. Women who look you in the eye when they speak to you and require the same. Women with a hearty handshake, and a sturdy gait. I've often been taken in by the kindness of strange girls. They only seem strange becausethey aren't a traditional totem of femininity at every moment. I'm talking about Broads.

Good broads, tough broads, funny broads, serious broads. I love them all. I knew this great broad who bar tended on the CT Shoreline (Yankee Key West) She could escort a problem patron out the door, headfirst if they deemed it necessary. She could change kegs and not lose a nail or anyone of the 10 gold bracelets she brought back from St Croix where she went deep sea fishing. She wore them all at the same time. She used to teach pre school and had a license to drive a tractor trailer. She'd jumped from planes, trains and automobiles. She taught me about life experience and the School Of Hard Knocks. She gave me insights into human nature as perfect meld of father and mother sage. Married thrice, too much a man for her spouse and more woman that he counted on. She took Life by the stones,

sometimes catching it on the chin. But she got back up, dusted herself off and made a joke of the experience.

If you spend any bit of quality time with a broad you will get great information in a grand manner. Broads spit, drink dirty martini's and smoke cigars. Broads have common sense, a sense disappearing lately. Broads have experience and a great perspective on Life. Broads will even know the last Stanley Cup Champions. This doesn't mean they are any less girly than others in their gender. This means that they appreciate a great steak and a good conversation. They have two feet on the ground at most times. And sometimes on the throat of some one's that pissed them off. A good broad knows her limits and will let others know when they've reached theirs. A good broad can throw a ball, a punch and a party. And she's capable of doing all at the sa

me time. She's adroit and honest.

I believe that in much like Robin Hood's "Queen For A Day" theory Study A Broad would behove many people nowadays. Picture this, Sicily 2011, you're in a cafe in Taormina, a beautiful city high in the mountains. The place is busy. This

broad strolls in after separating from her church group's guided tour. It's not that she doesn't have a healthy respect for organized religion (they do get great group rates for international travel) but the pack of them were slowing her

down from getting the local flavor. There are no free tables but you do have

an extra seat at yours, Carpe Broadum; Seize The Broad!! With a hearty wave or even a two fingered whistle rally that sally into your pen and make nice with a broad. Study the insights that this beacon of energy has to offer. Give the broad shelter from the glare of prayer junkies and leer of merry men on her bus. Take the time to get back to basics with now pretense and a lot of great spirit. If this opportunity to Study A Broad comes your way, in whatever country, state, park or bar, do this. You'll both be awful glad you did.

One of my favorite broads of all time is Brenda Vaccaro. That gravelly voice and no nonsense

acting style made me look up to her on TV. That and I usually sat on the floor when watching tv so I had to look up to see anything, but I digress. She always owned the screen and the scene. A beautiful Italian woman from Brooklyn, she had broad DNA from the get go.

Her roles are numerous in stage, screen and television. How can anyone forget Angela Pitrillo aka Big Sally the role she played on Golden Girls? To act with that ensemble you would need serious comedy chops and talent. She's got all that. But that voice? It's phenomenal, primal. It screams Broad. I had a "To Wong Foo" moment when out for chinese one day. Any restauran

t in Los Angeles will sport the head shots of actors famous and hoping to be on their walls. I personally adorn a dry cleaner in No. Hollywood and a destroyed diner on the CT shoreline. While admiring the restaurant's collection I locked onto Ms Vaccaro's at the exact moment I heard her across the room. Yeah, there was an audible Gush. "Please, bring the soup first and some your famous noodles I love so much. Don't forget the mustard." I died. Died. I was in the presence of a great Broad. She sensed she had a fan, keeping the volume of that amazing voice at such a great level. I

was hooked. She was working a reporter doing a bio on her, she was glowing. She talked with broad strokes usi

ng names and impersonations. She is a force to be near. Her best line came as we were leaving. "I'll just get on 'Desperate Housewives' somehow, they're taking any old

cow nowadays." She locked eyes with me, that was entirely for her little fan boy here. Such spirit. She closed with the chorus line of "Come In From The Rain". My own little Broad-way review. Thanks Ms Vaccaro, and happy birthday on November 18th.

To everyone near and far; Study A Broad, education never stops and sometimes hurts. Learn something new whenever you can.

9/11, remembered.

2011-09-11T11:33:00.000-07:00

Ten years is a long time, and yet.......not so.

I remember exactly how the day went. The tragedy, the coverage and the aftermath. I know it's a decade, but it still seems like yesterday.

God bless.

Love this.

2011-07-21T00:30:00.000-07:00

Michele Bachmann Song

2011-07-15T11:09:00.000-07:00

Proud enough to Post

2011-06-25T01:19:00.000-07:00

I neglect my blog, but can't stop this feeling inside....

We Did It!!! Marriage Equality in NY!!! Thanks to all the hard work from the people in the trenches, on the phones and i

nternet and the prayers of all that delivered us this victory. We're all New Yorkers tonight and it's Pride Weekend there to boot. Let's all celebrate what's a long struggle; equality. It's here. It's now. Sooooooooooooooo Happy! Thank you!

Star Wars Day

2011-05-04T14:07:00.001-07:00

May the fourth..................be with you. Here's another silly holiday to enjoy

Star Wars Day...

Best Bar Mitzvah video, ever.

2011-03-28T12:43:00.000-07:00

!! omg blog !! [the original, since 2003]

This kid's going places, proceeds from iTune sales benefit his Temple. Outstanding

Burger King of Kings

2011-03-28T12:33:00.003-07:00

(via joemygod)

I love me some sillyness, and joe always seems to find it.

He died so that you could have it your way.

It's funny, get over it.

National Joe Day.

2011-03-27T14:43:00.000-07:00

(via Joemygod)

We here at Spatagram are committed to the publicizing of silly holidays. In fact Melonball Thursday is right around the

corner. It's just before the Resurrection if you track the days on a calendar sold by the your local Church. In the vain of Melonball Thursday and International Talk Like a Pirate Day

comes National Joe Day. Evidently today has nothing to do with a penchant for coffee. Today has to do with shaking off your old name for whatever reason and go by the nam

e Joe.

Wake up on March 27 and introduce yourself to everyone as Joe. If you are a girl, Joe is short for your old name. If you are a boy, Joe is short for your old name as well. You are a new person. You are no longer strapped down to

that name you have been carrying around all these years. Throw off the old name and become Joe for a day. Make a journal entry talking about your feelings about your own name. People always attach meaning to certain names and when you don't fit those meanings, it leaves you wanting something else. Here is your day to

express who you think you are. Record it in a journal.

Now doesn't that sound intriguing. I once told an entire playground that my name was Paul, using my middle name to see how it made me feel. I also studied how it sounded in the air. And whether or not I could remember it when my name was called. I grew a new experiment on the heels of the Facebook surge of users changing their middle name to 'Hussein' to desensitize the word. I

added 'Rocco' as a middle name for Rocco DiSpirito, whom I have a very embarassing crush on. It was post election and people were done making statements and filling spaces for rent with Silliness. I don't shy away from the Silly, I walk hand in fin in it. I throw it a fish whenever do-able. I now get mail to Tony Rocco. It's changed my Life. Paul still exists but only for those that really know me. But in that vein today I unleash my Joe on the planet. Just Joeing ya here. I'm making dinner reservations under the name Joe.

Fergie-Be Italian

2011-03-24T16:08:00.000-07:00

Really the movie left me a little cold. I love the story and had no idea the music was going to be this good. Kate Hudson tears up Cinema Italiano and Fergie makes this a show stopper. "Be Italian" was hot, hot as it was shot and hot in content. I had a friend who used to sing this song to me in homage of my lineage but that was as far as my research went into this show. Be Italian indeed.

On my 'bucket list' if you will are several nonsensical things that really define Spats as Spats. Mohawk, Picnic in Wal-Mart, more tattoos. But on the list for serious sake is learning to speak Italian. I've wanted to converse with my father and aunt about those in the room around us, hey, isn't that what speaking multiple languages is all about? I've wanted to go to the country of my ancestors and speak the language to the utmost of my ability. I love the sound of the language, the roll of it. And I figured if Julia Roberts could do it, mamma mia, I'm going to give it my darndest.

I've tried to play with cd's and tapes in the car, I've priced the community colleges for whatever they offer. I finally decided that I needed to bring the opportunities to my door. I am now proud parent of The Rosetta Stone series or Italian. I was clocking a Borders going out of business and waited until the time was right. This shit ain't cheap. I think the beauty of the series is that it's extremely well packaged. I love the bright yellow of the boxes and materials. It kind of reminds me of a school bus and therefore encourages reading. I love the jaunty little headset that accompanies the series for voice activated drills. Granted it seems a little bit sturdier than the tin cans in the Progresso (italian) soup commercials but not by far. I feel like an overseas operator when I drop the doo hickey on my head. And my similarity to a QVC operator is not lost on me or my sense of humor. Supposedly at the end of the course I will be so fluent that I will be able to go to rural Tuscany and teach the village children English. Aren't they in for a gelato of another flavor.

For now I'll be thrilled with simply watching a Fellini film. I won't even look at the subtitles. I can't wait to not just visually taste everything that's been my draw up to this point, but aurally get the picture together. Doesn't mean I'll understand the themes any better but hey, I get confused by Russell Brand movies. What the hey, I have time on my hands and look forward to blogging ala italia. Ciao!

Good night Elizabeth.....

2011-03-23T19:48:00.000-07:00

The real reason why it's raining in Los Angeles today....

Westboro Baptist......mark your days.

2011-02-18T14:28:00.000-08:00

Hackers Group Warns Westboro Baptist:
You Will Face Our Vicious Retaliation

The mysterious hackers group Anonymous, best known so far for their campaign against the Church of Scientology, has issued a stark warning to the Westboro Baptist Church.

We, the collective super-consciousness known as ANONYMOUS - the Voice of Free Speech & the Advocate of the People - have long heard you issue your venomous statements of hatred, and we have witnessed your flagrant and absurd displays of inimitable bigotry and intolerant fanaticism. We have always regarded you and your ilk as an assembly of graceless sociopaths and maniacal chauvinists & religious zealots, however benign, who act out for the sake of attention & in the name of religion. [snip]

ANONYMOUS cannot abide this behavior any longer. The time for us to be idle spectators in your inhumane treatment of fellow Man has reached its apex, and we shall now be moved to action. Thus, we give you a warning: Cease & desist your protest campaign in the year 2011, return to your homes in Kansas, & close your public Web sites.

Should you ignore this warning, you will meet with the vicious retaliatory arm of ANONYMOUS: We will target your public Websites, and the propaganda & detestable doctrine that you promote will be eradicated; the damage incurred will be irreversible, and neither your institution nor your congregation will ever be able to fully recover. It is in your best interest to comply now, while the option to do so is still being offered, because we will not relent until you cease the conduction & promotion of all your bigoted operations & doctrines.

The warning has been given. What happens from here shall be determined by you.

WE ARE ANONYMOUS.
WE ARE LEGION.
WE DO NOT FORGIVE.
WE DO NOT FORGET.
EXPECT US.

this is reposted from joemygod.

These Westboro folk have had this coming.

Oy vey. Polar express

2011-02-08T11:40:00.000-08:00

Sarah Palin Battle Hymn

2011-01-18T16:08:00.000-08:00

not what I was planning on starting Spatagram's year with but....it was too much to pass up on. And these people are serious..

Stuck In The Middle With You - Stealers Wheel

2011-01-04T22:13:00.000-08:00

I've loved Gerry since before 'Reservoir Dogs'. So sad to see so much of my childhood disappearing lately. Life. Stuck in the middle I guess.....

Happy BDay RuPaul!!!!

2010-11-18T16:12:00.000-08:00

Spirit Day.

2010-10-19T18:34:00.000-07:00

(from wickedgayblog)

Why Purple? According to GLAAD's website the color purple symbolizes Spirit on the Rainbow Flag. Although there is no meeting place or rally planned, this is a national event that you can help to raise the visibility of if you are a blogger and everyone can contribute to by wearing something purple.

www.glaad.org/spiritday

Wear something purple tommorrow, Oct 20th in awareness of the LGBT youth at risk. Raise some Spirits.

Hammer !! Er macht ein Tor mit seinem DingDong

2010-10-07T13:28:00.000-07:00

The one night.

2010-09-17T14:17:00.000-07:00

Can you imagine???? The one night I'm not at the Abbey, I miss Sandy! I felt this way last year when Liz Taylor stopped in for dinner, to prove that she was still alive. Sandy.........

Nine Years Later.

2010-09-11T11:57:00.001-07:00

Happy Labor Day!!!

2010-09-06T13:32:00.000-07:00

Well here it is, the end of the summer, in terms of those enjoying holidays. Granted the calendar says that there are two more weeks left to celebrate (thanks Bryan) but most of us have already moved on. Kids are back in school. Back to school sale signs are coming down. Traffic on beach fwys is lessening. The NJ Housewives Reunion special has aired and gone. The Summer is over and all that remains is the pealing of your sunburn. Fun right? All good things that made the summer are shelved. Bad weather, tourists, nice gas prices, ice cream y'know...fun stuff . I have a wide appreciation of hot fun in the summer times. Including Steven Slater, that fantastic JetBlue steward who had the most amazing 'take this job and shove it' exit line of the summer. It's news that he and JetBlue have parted company for good, today. And it's for him that I say "Happy Labor Day"!!! You had the stones to do what we all would love to and became a folk hero along the way. We don't care if there are other reports from passengers saying that you were curt, cranky and couldn't be bothered on that fate full flight. We look past that, for we have all had bad days in customer service (that whirling swirling eddy of despair). We have all seen the beast that is the public. We have suffered their slings and arrows of ingracious behavior. We know the horror that darkens our workplace daily that demand to abuse the system for all they can get. We wish we could tell them where to take their heinousness, but defer to hold onto steady income. It just gets so tempting. Times are tough, and so we must be as well. To all that work year round to keep this great company safe, fed, housed and cared for, Happy Labor Day. Bravo Steven, and have a cold beer with our best!!!!!

photo via dlisted

Chris Colfer (Rolling Stone)

2010-09-03T10:59:00.001-07:00

Here's your smile for the day.

photo via towleroad

today.

2010-09-02T23:45:00.000-07:00

today is 9.02.10

Can you believe? I never watched it. Never had the desire. I keep looking for the Peach Pit now that I live out here but can't seem to do it. I just wasn't into the whole 'colgate smile' feel I got when that show was on. I was also in my mid20's and running amok. It takes alot to run amok, I'll have you know. Especially if you do it properly. I was much more a Melrose Place guy, and I can find that just fine. On Melrose however they let the gays actually do more than they did in the show. Poor Doug Savant may as well have been gay furniture in that show. They just moved him around to set decorate as they needed. But look at him now, a Desperate househusband. MP had that bite I so loved and to watch Marsha Cross blow up the building???? It was a total 'jump the shark' for me. TV so far fetched that it gave you a whiplash with it's impact.

"What you talkin' bout Willis?"

Maybe today would have been better as 'Aaron Spelling Day'. He could use a little holiday, right? A star on the Walk of Fame is great and all, but a day in time, now that's special. I say do it. The man did give us such wonderful TV including these two cornerstones. Plus Tori, too. Yes Tori, too. Let's observe Aaron Spelling Day, the first of it's on kind, on the second day of the ninth month of the tenth year from now on. Someone leave a note for the cockroaches. I'm banking that the most appropriate tribute on this day would be to have a martini, and throw it in the face of someone you've loved. Kinda Dynastyish, kinda Melrose, soooo Beverly Hills.

rabbit, rabbit...

2010-09-01T11:25:00.000-07:00

Here's to a fantastic Fall and wonderful September. Summer came and went and the next months promise to bring trips and weddings abounding. Here we go!

Happy BDay Padma L. and Lilly T! You don't call or right, but I know you both care! See you both at Ellen's for New Years!

xoxoxo

Rabbit Rabbit

and for the Middle East Peace Talks; Rabbi Rabbi.

Matrimonial baloney.

2010-08-12T12:30:00.001-07:00

So Prop 8 disappears, for now. Let's see when the other side meddles in our lives again.

Pink.

2010-07-29T13:50:00.000-07:00

In the pink: meaning to be of good health/demeanor.

Pink's: one of my fave hot dog venues

Pink: rock's unabashed angst princess

pink: the best anti car theft deterrent on the market.

It has been deduced that cars painted a bright shade are the least likely to be stolen. This explains the enormous success of the Mary Kay Cosmetic Commandos. That bright shade on your lips is directly related to the bright shade of the Grand Am parked adjacent your co-op. How funny is that?

The gay pirate is a little rosette for the post.

National Hot Dog Day!

2010-07-23T10:59:00.000-07:00

It's no secret I'm a fan of wieners. Big fan. Big wieners. To me they say, 'summer' and 'americana'. Remember the old slogan, baseball, hot dogs, apple pie and Chevrolet (even though that sounds french) The Hot dog industry has named July as National Hot Dog month and July 23nd as National Hot Dog Day. I also adore obscure holidays; International Talk like a Pirate Day, Melonball Thursday and am so happy to have found my new fave. The Dog Days of Summer, indeed.

The month begins with the Annual Coney Island Hot Dog Eating contest brought to you by Nathans Famous. My dear friend Joey Chestnut pulled another victory out of his solo cup by eating an astounding 54 HDB's in ten minutes. (hot dog and buns eaten) I know this because, I was there. Well, not physically, but spiritually. I was at friends holiday (July 4th) BBQ in Panorama City getting ready to have my third dog of the day. I was chatting up a very nice lady with tons of BoSox paraphernalia adorning her. I assumed my new besty was gay as she was checking her iPhone for sports feed. Straight, not narrow. She stumbled onto the results of this years competition and I implored her to give me more. When hearing of Kobayashi being arrested at the event I swooned. Kobabyashi is Chestnuts #1 competitor. Long and the short of it (pun intended) is K wasn't registered with the Federation that governs the sport and rushed the stage. High Drama among buns and lemonade. Arrested, hanging on to a rail like a child. Swoon.

See, I have an affinity for this event rising. I look forward to the Fourth Of July just for this very contest. Independence is nice, but wieners don't care who you marry. I remember my first seeing the televised event on ESPN when I was at work one night. My colleagues amazed I could actually be silenced by something on ESPN for that long a time. I was mesmerized by the depravity of my favortie activity and bastardizing it as a competition. I love to eat. I live to eat. I workout like a demon so I can eat more. Sometimes I awaken in the night to eat if I know that there's something special calling to me. Like a mermaid the sushi sings, Pavaroti draws me to the container of pasta leaving past roommates sighing knowing their leftovers when put into the fridge, "will never see the light of day." It's a sport governed by it's own Federation with by laws and dues. I cringe/cheer every time I get to hear one of the competitors resume. You don't know someone until you know how many crab cakes someone can put down. Or pounds of pasta. Or oysters. Would I want to have them for dinner? Probably not. Would I watch them on TV with the earnest love of a six-year old? Abso-freaking-lutely. Competitive Eating? Get out of here....

So get out there and grab yourselves a sausage with relish and succour. In La La Land, there are plenty of choices from Dodger Dogs to my personal fave Pinks. I encourage you to get out there and try it, it's a wonderful holiday and I think you'll enjoy it. National Hot Dog Day, not for the weak of heart, and a sport in some towns. If you are what you eat.....I am a hot dog.

RuPaul's Jealous Of My Boogie (featuring Tyra Sanchez, Raven and Jujubee

2010-07-19T14:49:00.000-07:00

Love me some RuPaul Drag Race! And the new show tonite, Drag U. aaaaaahhhhh Pride.

Follow up to yesterday.

2010-07-15T13:32:00.000-07:00

Kathy and Levi are officially over. Someone just told Sarah that he and Bristol are back at it, and someone just told Kathy. Comedy's never pretty, but Kathy's new target is................

More Kool-Aid, Levi??

2010-07-14T11:58:00.001-07:00

(Cue deep-throated v/o actor....)

In a world plagued with Mel Gibson's leaked abusive phone calls fraught with rage and hate, where a mask can so often hide a seamy underbelly you don't know where to put your faith first. In a world where there is so much unrest how is it feasible that latest greatest 'lone wolf' this side of Lenny Koznowski has given up rebel status to resume roll of lap dog. How can the greatest break-out artist this side of Houdini deny his fans their base? I'm talking about Levi here. Is there nothing more comfortable in Life than a nicely broken in pair of Levis? Levi Johnston, ex to Kathy Griffith, scourge to the ex-governor of Alaska. Levi Johnston former Playgirl model and advocate for 'doing it his way' has returned to Bristol, which in CT is boring and entered into his son's life. I'm glad on this front that he is being responsible, but facts are facts.........there must be some Kool aid involved.

I love that when he entered the world's stage he was a moose shooting, snowmobile working, chaw chewin' alaskan redneck. He knocked up the governors daughter and was unrepentant, at least until the republican party shut down his MySpace (remember that old thing) next day he was in Banana Republic threads waving to the crowd with a cheesy grin flossed with an act of contrition. Who is this? This is not what we saw in last week's edition of 15 Minute's, and Ticking. I loved his shit eating grin the moment I saw it and when I saw that he had a Fake-over (kind of like a make over but more like image rape) I thought to myself "they got to him". And when the unified front fell apart and he ran for the snow I found myself in the company of many others, cheering him on. When the criticism started he did what any other would do....threaten a tell-all and make the talk circuit rounds. Want to top this off with a nude spread and maybe a clothing line??? Fantastic, keep the train going. But shows over, baby daddy is handing over the reigns.

Kool Aid happens when a strong personality does a 180 degree turn and finds themselves eating all the words they threw out in their road of discourse. It's a rapid departure from the expected. The hunter becomes the hunted and what would have been a bearer becomes the trophy. It sucks. Kool Aid is an invisible solution that turns Mr Hyde into Dr Jekyll. The expression comes from the horrible events in Guyana where cult leader Jim Jones forced his followers into a massive suicide pact and the children in the cult were made to drink poisoned Kool Aid to follow the sinister mission. How excited is the Kraft company that there former innocuous little treat became synonymous with kid's suicide?Even more so to now have it's product link to insanity causing. Because that's what this expression says to me. When I see a drastic change in a behavior that is so contrary to what I'd witnessed prior I can't help but explain it with the Kool Aid theory. I think I do this as a time saver really. It's all about saving time nowadays anywhoo. I marvel at people's ability to morph.

I send my best to our lost "Lone Wolf" and wishhim all the success in the world. Their little Trip is lucky to have two parents and he's lucky to be insulated from the full influence of that woman. Maybe this will work out for the best I love a good sequel. A good one. Not one drenced in Kool Aid and smelling of shotgun powder. Poor Levi, broken in and not to be let out of sight ever again. I can only imagine the ribbing he'll take at the holidays, but I trust he'll be able to give as good as he gets. His track record suggests that he had a set of stones at one time.

Rabbit, rabbit.

2010-07-01T10:24:00.000-07:00

Currently am house sitting in SMonica and loving life on the westside,

".....ode to be young and independently wealthy...."

So much fun to be close to the beach with a fabulous pup named Radar. Radar has more energy than a power plant and doesn't know the word 'quit'. I was ready to invoke my favorite chant to start the month with a bevy of good luck when I was awoken by him and questioned, wearily "....wuz goin' onnnn???..." stay tuned.

And this couldn't be planned, it's Canada Day! On the heels of my last post, tee hee tee hee!

Are you shitting me????

2010-06-28T14:24:00.000-07:00

Remember; It is not my intention to embarrass you.
It is to ridicule you.

Out of the mouths of babes, I tell you. Out of the mouths of babes.

Children's conduct is not what it used to be when we were all growing up. If we were in public it was better to be seen then heard. Now the little darlings are allowed voices, cell phones and in some cases; advocates. We've rolled the role of parent back a bit where adults today are trying to be 'friends' with their kids. I find this strategy unnerving from the conduct I witness day to day; restaurant to restaurant, and store to store. Backtalk, bad manners and bad attitudes really fry my bacon and further my credo as to how this Gay man will raise his family (someday). But sometimes you just hear one little comment that sends you reeling;

The Scene: A 'family friendly' shoreline seafood restaurant.

The Players: Two families of 5, 4 parents on one side of the table aged 35-45, 6 tired, rowdy kids on the other side of the table for ten aged 3-8.

The Time: Past respectable family dinner hours, with small children, 830pm

As the action unfolds the parents are talking (bewailing, commiserating) the kids are acting up in some kind of debate. The end comment of this debate is by the most spirited of the eight year olds,

"YOU'RE a Gay-Canadian!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

This was the little crumb-snatchers final retort in the name calling fest.

And the parents were unmoved. By the political correctness of the comment. Or even the humor. There is humor in everything. "A Gay-Canadian".

I shit you not.

D.C. Douglas PSA For Tea Party And FreedomWorks Critics

2010-05-18T10:55:00.000-07:00

This fantastic man was canned from his Geico career after a bit of drunk dialing. Never let your opinions get the better of you. Or if they do, get the better of the batter. F'voiceovers, put this man in front of a camera.

Telephone Remake

2010-04-30T12:28:00.000-07:00

Made by a couple of our boys in Afghanistan. God Bless America.

checked out Krystle @Glee

2010-04-29T11:02:00.000-07:00

For all the girlscout cookies I've taken in, wrapping paper I've wrought and tales of children's zany antics help my sister Krystle out.

http://www.myspace.com/gleeauditions?link=22118385

Betty White Lines

2010-04-22T10:44:00.000-07:00

Danny Boy

2010-03-17T11:44:00.001-07:00

Happy Saint Pat's!!

Happy Birthday Albert Einstein!

2010-03-14T19:17:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Albert Einstein!!!! More than a noun, an adjective.

Here's a man who knew how to party. If it wasn't for him wearing the same exact thing every day (a time save) he is best remembered as the picturesque braniac of the twentieth century.

I'm partial to the picture of him sticking out his tongue until I found this one recently online.

E=MC 2........................................Thank you.

14 March 1879–18 April 1955

PS.....Other holidays of note. Melonball Thursday approaches. ......

Awards Shows; Brian Safi

2010-03-12T13:57:00.000-08:00

We may be getting into March Madness but I'm worn out from Awards Season. I've Grammy'd (Hi Tammy! Hi Melissa!) I've Emmy'd, I've Globed the night Golden. I've BAFTA'd til I've SAG'd and cheered Sandy B the entire way. I love the ceremonies and the photo op's. And the magic that is Joan Rivers returns to E! Network for her fashion wrap up. Joan, we missed you. I think the pomp and circumstance on par with any sporting event and fully buy into the frenzy. My Oscar party menu has been copied and rumored to be this years Whitehouse Oscar Party menu. I really get into it. It's competition for me to garner the most right guesses on the winner and good humility when I'm (seldom) wrong. I love the energy that fills the town as you spiritedly debate the clerk at the market the hopeful for Best Picture. This being Hollywood, there's always a vested interest. Thistime of year is so entertaining. The fashion, the faux pas the freaky ladies that run up onstage to pull a 'Kanye' moment on the microphone. Awards Season to me is the most natural extention of the Holiday Season and something to be treasured. It's kinda gay, but hey...........So am I.

To fully appreciate the gayness of this all, watch this video here. This latest segmant from Brian Safi and 'That's Gay' is hilair. Please, enjoy and remember it's an honor just to be nominated and pretty bitchin' to win.

(joan pix from insidesocal.com)

Thank you for being a friend....

2010-03-11T16:58:00.001-08:00

Guess who's coming to late nite, and it's not Jay Leno????? That's right it's our little potato from St Olaf, Rose Nyland nee Betty White. Seems that the Golden Girl's groundswell got kicked into gear from her performance in The Proposal as Gramma just enough to get denizens of Facebook to form a group petitioning for Betty to host SNL. Well with half a million supporters and bulletins all over the internet recognizing this, the producers of the show signed her up. Ms. White will be hosting May 8th with a pack of female SNL alum (Poeller, Fey, et al) for a send up Mothers Day weekend. I think what put her over the top was her Superbowl commercial with her getting tackled. I could watch that all day and even pee a little each time.

Ooooooh, speaking of pee, has any one seen Whoopi's new cause? It's up there with Jimmy Johns0n's. Don't get me started......

Now this is funny...

2010-03-04T23:29:00.001-08:00

Here's an ad for a NYC Gay Rugby Team looking for fresh meat:

Left to my own devices....

2010-03-02T18:35:00.000-08:00

It was pouring rain in Los Angeles over the last two months. This is big out here as we have no other noticeable weather phenomena for the other ten in Southern California. We have varying degrees of temperature and separation from Kevin Bacon but the rest of the time is spent with out incident. I don't mean to ignore mudslides, Santa Ana winds and wildfires but we don't have the show the rest of the nation gets treated to daily. We have to take what we get. And we really don't take it too well.

This is the land of the pampered where the dog groomer will come to your doghouse, the spray tanner will come to you in this land of sunshine. You can find sushi in kosher grocery stores, and a valet attendant for ANYTHING. People are spoiled out here and when thrown a curve, they swerve. Rain will for all intensive purposes, shut the state down. A brief shower can cause freeway wide nightmares and lengthy showers will clear Trader Joans of milk, flat bread, tofu and cheap wine. Days of rain may as well be an extra horseman for the Apocalypse. Appointments will be late, sinkholes will swallow firetrucks and the news will have reason for program interruptions. This is great for any fallen congressman with a scandal or war far away from here, the rain will take full attention. It even has taken away from Super Bowl joire as people will now have to plan out the route to the party and scavenging for supplies for the buffet. So much extra work to do! Somebody post for assistants for rain survival on Craigslist.

Being from New England the rain doesn't bother me. Having had a 4 x 4 pickup for years, nothing was ever out of reach due to a storm. Me and the post office fear no rain sleet snow or dark of night and no evil shall escape my sight.. (is this the Green Lantern Oath? I get confused) I will not be deterred when I want Red Snapper or Red Stripe. I'm less fool hardy now driving a smaller car and keep that in mind as I charge potholes and swerve wreckage. I'm less fool hardy as I am forty and well aware of my surroundings. I'm less fool hardy as I am a damn fool. Superbowl Sunday necessitated something from the store and so Mick and I embarked on a mission of errands and then to the grocery. We had a plan and confidence. Out in to the great wet yonder.

We dodged the river running south on Coldwater, the cove that was happening at Riverside. We admired the torrent of the LA River and the speed that aqua duct carries it's load. We avoided incident and pulled into the market's parkette. On my 40th BDay Xtravaganza Sista Sal and I ventured to Target to buy 'Mamma Mia' and have an old fashioned night at home consisting of movie, wine and pasta. At Target I found the largest, switch activated rainbowy umbrella ever known to man or 'Mo'. This thing was so gay it was floating. It would transform the average human into a Fairy Poppins. This thing made 'Yes On Prop 8' r's run for fear of being clubbed. A club-a-dub-dub, I dubbed it the Big Gay Umbrella. Of course it was at home. Having left the BGU at the apartment I needed something to keep the polluted water falling from the sky off my pours. I don the green grocery bag on my head as a rain bonnet to charge to Good Rafaels. There are varying degrees of our grocery chain out here; Bad, Good, Average, Ghetto and Rock n Roll, but this is topic for another blog, another time. I make caricatures out of the bag to amuse Mick, and passers by. I pull off the bag to shop, he parts to retrieve his part of the List. We are to rendezvous at the Fish Counter at 0-Wheneverhundred hours.

I charge the aisles with my Ma's shopping stride. Swift, alert and effective I navigate the aisles, wishing fellow shoppers a "Good Day" or nodding to suggest, "The rain will leave soon, chin up". I do this with my eyebrows as well. I bob. I weave. I collect. My basket mostly full I find the Seafood Counter and recognize the attendant from Average Rafaels working today. The ladies in front of the case are displeased with my bravado and greeting. They shirk from my swagger, avoid eye contact and jockey their carts around the shiny glass display of fish. Methinks them a bit too.....under the weather, and continue my conversation letting him know he was missed at his regular store, and how the kids replacing him could care less. He smiled, went back to work thanking me. I queried where was the happy lady that was denied retirement from the company as she was such an asset that usually worked here. He quickly met these and all other small talk questions that he normally would feed off. I wondered if he was particularly busy today, I mean it was Super Bowl. But there were only three others at the counter waiting, each looking downward or away dreamily. My buddy didn't feel up to chat. No matter. We'll be home soon, dinner cooking, feet up, dry and clean.

"There you are." Mick bounds up to me at counter. "Look at me," he says. I turn my head saying, "Why?" His eyes go BIG onto my forehead, reaches and removes a plastic bread tie that had been pinched onto my forehead like a fawn's horn. Like a skate punks' hoop piercing their eyebrow this small flat pack-manager was adorning my countenance. What am I a N'avi warrior from Avatar? I had just moved through the store with similar energy and will admit that the image had crossed my mind. I had....just...moved...through...the...entire....store....with...this....on....my....head. The realization sets my internal bread bag spinning open. My surprise spills out like a waterfall. I grab my order, thank my friend and hurry to the checkout. Damn this Good Rafaels doesn't have the self-check out like Mystery Rafaels, Or Average. I'll have to see more of my watchers in line. Fie to me. Mickey is hilarious at this point and can't even look at me. If this was something I'd been unaccustomed to I might have been offended. He can't even breathe and asks, what happens when I'm by my self out in the big world. Do I have spatulas in my pockets, slippers on my feet or stickers on my elbows. He searches me for a bar code. I have one code in a bar, tip well.

The humor claims me, like a suitcase off a conveyor belt (y'know that stuff is tagged too!) We exit and are the object of stares, the laughter cited this time. I am a damn fool. I am the woman in the restaurant with the toilet paper out the back of her skirt like a tail. I am the elderly driver with their raincoat belt hanging out the car door. Hold the bread tag. Actually, I am this fool. This past Thanksgiving I trod Bad Rafaels with my bird going aisle to aisle before checkout. All the while the loudspeaker asking the patrons to "please check their carts as something is leaking from their purchases. The loudspeaker repeated this instruction several times. Low and behold I found my turkey to be......dripping....when I lift it up at checkout and the clerk looked over her glasses just enough to intimate, "asshole. It was you." I am Mr Magoo in training. I can even do Jim Bacchus voice for the cartoon if we want to remake the cartoon. Cast me. I'm crabby. Left to my own devices, I seem to be the stuff of humor, I'd say butt of jokes but as a gay man this is misleading. I am hysterical en route to the car, laughing so hard the rain isn't even noticed. In the car, we both cry and I look at the mirror making sure I'm not permanently scarred. I need to share this with another individual who is capable of such luck. Someone who will sympathize. Someone that more than likely will start mailing me one of these a month for the rest of my life. I pick up the cell phone and call Sista Sal. "Sal, you are not going to believe what I just did." I really do set myself up for these things (success).

(la rain pix courtesy of treehugger)

(breadtag pix courtesy spiderhoo)

Gay-est Superbowl moment. Ever.

2010-02-09T20:45:00.000-08:00

2010-02-06T09:40:00.001-08:00

Go Get Some!

Raging Grannies Rip CBS Anti-Choice Super Bowl Ad

2010-02-05T13:50:00.001-08:00

Old ladies cussin', I love Super Bowl Ads.

Toe Huggers (monkeyfeet)

2010-01-29T13:58:00.000-08:00

Toe Huggers

My buddy B told me of this article and I thought I'd share it with you. I've blogged here on Spatagram on my new favorite thing, my monkey feet, and how I'm not in any significant bunion pain anymore. My lifetime on my feet (no light on them joke, please) has not been nice to them and my forties had a shadow over them. I really thought I was in a world of trouble and a world of pain. I found these little darlings and happily took back the road. I run in these little darlings and wear them around town. If I could wear them at work I would.

The Vibram 5 fingers look crazy but feel fantastic. Running barefoot is back in vogue, I'd blame 'Avatar' but it's too trendy.

The Sista's have mocked me, but now most own their own. These are pictures above of two of the Sistas in them, prizes will be awarded to those that can guess who's who. I have two pairs, one dress one sport and can't wait to go true blue. Just look at how cool these blue ones are. The camouflage just puts them over the top. Wouldn't they be nice with jeans? Or a nice muddy trail? OR both?

I'm serious, check these out.

Obsessed much?

2010-01-29T12:19:00.000-08:00

I have a new fixation with an older man. His name is Arthur Curry but you might know him as............Aquaman, King of the Seven Seas. He may seem a little old for a crush, it may seem unrealistic but I tell you that the blond buff dude in orange green does it for me.

The man is the ultimate swimmer, faster than any seacreature. He may even be faster than most cruise ships and submarines. He can get around and make the scenes. And his strength is legendary, people forget this. The man can lift mountains when wet rivalling all of his colleagues. Not only is he as strong as Superman, but he's a king! The people of Atlantis call him Rex, the Big Kahuna, Daddy. He has servants and wears gloves while swimming. He always has a solid chin, a hot wife, and great breast stroke. I want my traps as big as his. He is a classy dude that DC Comics hasn't been able to give a decent identity to for over sixty something years. Every time my hero breaks the surface he's had some 'work done' to his appeal. Sometimes he's milquetoast, a boring fool calling in the grey whales to do his busy work. Sometimes he's a bearded barbarian missing a hand to seem edgier and warlike. Sometimes he's a pretty twink in a Smallville episode that almost got a spin off. For years his identity has changed more radically than Madonna's. And all this while there's been groundswell for the swimming stud.

Fansites such as The Aquaman Shrine have cropped up, pledging allegiance to Atlantis' sovereign. There's also been memorabilia of Aquaman making the rounds. Dolls, posters and my personal favorite; the Aquaman Hoodie. (photo from 80stees.com) He seems to always almost make the crossover success into merchandising but never quite to his teammates status. It's not like he's unfamiliar, he's unlikely but not obscure. He's known but not truly seen. His good name was even thrown around in HBO's Entourage as a project for the shows lead Vincent Chase I(Adrien Grenier) Aquaman's as American as Superman or Batman, he just doesn't get the same press because the press doesn't know how to sell him. Where's all the good PR agencies when an amphibian needs a fin/hand???

The fansites have called today January 29th his birthday which would make Aquaman a Aquarian. I find this very amusing and am itching for the day that my local pool reopens post winter repairs. I will have my traps as big as Arthur just cause they look great in my fan t-shirt.

Lights! Camera! Action!

2010-01-28T14:32:00.000-08:00

I got a gig. And it may be in front of a camera. I just don't know yet. About the camera.

See I got this gig doing part time personal chef for a family here in the Valley. They live in a beautiful home, atop a hill, with a foyer larger than my apartment. Marble, crystal and tassels as far as they eye can see. They have a sunken living room larger than an Olympic sized swimming pool. Cars, pools, cabanas and staff. Landscapers, assistants, contractors, messengers, housekeepers abound at different times a week. And then there's me. The Cook.

"Who'd want to kill the cook??"

"Dinner wasn't that bad." - Clue, the movie.

Crazy big home with a lot going on. And it's not that I think the family is secretive or weird, it's just that since the property is sooo large scale and has many people involved that they can't not have, a Nannycam.

Nannycam's exist for very good reasons. One, they make for great TV. Two, you can't put a price on the safety of your family. And three, you can't put a price on the safety of your family. The children are older so there is no nanny. There is plenty of cat food and I have yet to see a cat. My point? This place is BIG. So there just has to be a camera involved in the security. I've seen the keypads all around entrances and emergi-lighting as well. There are some small stickers on the window and little signage on the lawn. I can see that the place is monitored inside and out. There must be a camera in the kitchen. Why forsake this one room? Secure and safe is how it all feels I'll bet the reason is because there's a little something hidden in an alcove.

I'm not paranoid, I'm just silly. I have no issue in being watched, the family deserves every ounce of security and confidence that they want. They should have that. And I actually rather enjoy being watched, it's the performer in me. My quandry is that I didn't really realize it was happening until I was just about done for the day. And again, I'm just silly. I started the day with an inventory of every cupboard and drawer in the kitchen. No stone (or pizza stone) unturned, I was determined to find the pots and pans, the knives, the trash, the cat, the platters, the containers, the bathroom, the maid, etc etc. It's always good to figure this out yourselves as when catering so you can build your own rhythm as your work the site. I'm much better self taught than a stranger explaining it to me. ADD is soaring........what was I saying? Oh yes, nannycam. I cased the kitch. I got the lay of the land down and began cooking.

I wasn't sure on timing for the job so I had prepared much of the meals the night before. I did this in preparation for the prophecy......no, I did this to give myself an edge. I had my two dinners, lunches, soups and snacks done in no time. But how it must have looked was comedy. Now I'm usually pretty easy going, but I hadn't gotten the 'hall pass' to use the toilet yet, and this may seem silly but consider the author. People are odd when it comes to natural functions and I wasn't sure where the staff 'hung out' (lol). Until I get the golden word, I don't like to assume. This is odd of me but, whatever. I'm doing the pee pee dance to the easy listening radio station that they had playing on the kitchen sound system. I'm wiggling, I'm giggling, I'm even touching myself to keep it comfy not to stimulate. I'm pogo-ing on one foot by the end. All the while I'm eyeing the ten foot door suspiciously closed and so close to my view. Not in the kitchen proper I didn't feet it covered in pre shift casing of the joint. I'm sure my heightened state of awareness stemmed from this as well. Would the Nannycam show my dancing as fairly and honestly as it would on an episode of 'So You Think You Can Dance'?

I was wrapping up the food and cleaning my station when it came to me that it would be cute to toss the bottoms of some baby bok choy into the trash from across the room. I never considered a career in the NBA and it was always an effort for Sista Sal to get me to come outside and play 'Horse'. For me I'm happier buying baskets than making them. Ah well. First one was so close but hit the side of the pull out bin and to my delight, exploded. Cabbage shrapnel made for a vegetable firework. I was hooked. The next went in, nothing but nylon. The next missed to the side (got cocky). The next missed to the other side, and I searched my board for more to toss. "Such a child..." I scolded myself. As I journeyed around the marble island to the basket I thought it would be hilarious if they came into the kitchen at this time, or even if they were to have seen it some how. Getting closer to realization....

Food was done and put away. Notes for reheating and ingredients were written and left for review. Bags were packed and ready as Poppins' were, by the door. The kitchen restored to previous order with no one the wiser. Or so I thought. I called for the clients, up the kitchen stair well they'd used earlier to no response. There was a lot of noise from the landscapers installing I don't know, a rainforest's maybe. I went to the foyer and did the same call but louder. No answer. I was so not going up the stairs, any of them and I so was not going to play this game. I did a big, "Helllllooooooo, (clients names). Time to say Goooood Daaaayyyyy". And they came forth, a-giggle from the call and from the flurry of activity on their account. We were to rendezvous back at Point A. It hit me as I saw the ginormous flat screen, their technology was large and set away. It was built in to an immense wall. The stereo likewise was sequestered and I remembered I didn't actually know where the music in the kitchen was coming from. It all seems so, hidden so, sly. Moment Of Realization. I've been a jackass for the last three hours and they probably saw the whole thing. This amused them to the point of giggles for our first (I hoped) Good bye. I knew that my behavior was for the most part fine, but I wondered if I had picked my nose, scratched my ass or tasted with the same fork twice. Why it hadn't crossed my pee-brain sooner was beyond me, and driving me to hilarity. I put on my game face and went to the kitchen.

All was cool, the clients hungry and me out the door. Our goodbyes were pleasant and my stamp on the kitchen, unmarred. They looked forward to the next episode with smiles and sent me on my way without an ill word. I laughed all the way through the gates and down the hills. I knew they would eat well but didn't count on a show included in my fee. How I get through life should be studied. This was a Lucy episode. Next weeks menu............open faced sandwiches and peasant under glass.

Monkey Monkey.

Mancrunch Super Bowl Spot

2010-01-28T14:31:00.001-08:00

CBS commercial spot for mandating site, for SUPERBOWL.

2010-01-19T18:38:00.000-08:00

Perfect bite; avocado, burrata, roma tom's, fresh oregano, lemon jc, s & p

2010-01-11T14:15:00.001-08:00

Fran's Here!!!!

2010-01-10T21:25:00.001-08:00

Aaaaaahhhhhh....L.A. ......

The King at 75

2010-01-09T13:27:00.000-08:00

Last word. For a year.....

2009-12-31T15:52:00.001-08:00

Repeat after me, "1812. 1999. Twenty ten (2010)." Good. Now go forth and tell all, my ministers of silly.

Relative Prices of liquids.

2009-12-29T12:52:00.000-08:00

This is from Reflections of Me and very funny.

Maestro Wannabe Conducts the San Francisco Gay Men's Chorus

2009-12-28T14:19:00.001-08:00

Gotta love the tribe.

Very Interesting.

2009-12-28T13:32:00.000-08:00

From Joe.My.God:

I'm sore.......at cold sores.

2009-12-09T13:09:00.000-08:00

Can there be a more attractive calling card in the change of seasons than a scab on your face?? And at the change of seasons, is there a more fun way of saying, "Hello world. I'm marked with herpes. This little virus takes the wind out of my sails fast as can be. And being in the sales industry my grooming is a priority, with reduced wind powering me I'm at a loss.

I get all creative and try to crane my face away from public view. I pucker my lips and fan my hand like a coquette's wave in attempts to shield the eyesore (lip sore)from detection. People believe I'm anti social for the ten days I carry this Scarlet Letter around. I try med's to hurry the healing. I play with home remedies and remarkably still have skin left after all the witchcraft. I even concoct stories to cover the outbreak. I've had incidents on my nose that I've attributed to llama bites at State Fair. I've had episodes on my lip that I frequently blame on hot pepperoni pizza and poor manners. I will do anything to distance myself from accepting a virus as nature. Why cant we cure the common cold and hit this next? I'm running out of spin.

I'm asking the blogsphere to send me good juju and let me wake up tomorrow restored. I promise to be a better person and will drink more water and get more rest. I'll make sure that I wipe my feet and let ladies cut in front of me in to parking spaces I think that are mine. I promise the next time I feel one coming on I'll retreat to my lair and ponder the cold sore as an entity, accept it and go on. As long as this damn thing is off my face before the next time I work in front of the public. This I avow. Now off to the mirror for the 32nd time today.

It's not vanity, it's an obsession.

Noteworthy - "Poker Face" - 11/13/09

2009-12-08T13:08:00.001-08:00

Mike and Julia, make sure Makai sees this.

Season's Greetings......if that' s allowed.

2009-12-07T14:01:00.000-08:00

I found this on joe.my.god, a fave blog of mine!! Best to all.

To My Democratic Friends:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2010, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere . Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wish.

To My Republican and Independent Friends:

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year in the year of our Lord Jesus Christ 2010.

Wrangler Really Tiny Jean Shorts from The Midnight Show, JamesAdomian, Eric Moneypenny, and Michael Busch - Video

2009-11-18T11:32:00.000-08:00

Wrangler Really Tiny Jean Shorts from The Midnight Show, JamesAdomian, Eric Moneypenny, and Michael Busch - Video

'Meep' Banned From Local School - Boston News Story - WCVB Boston

2009-11-13T10:56:00.000-08:00

'Meep' Banned From Local School - Boston News Story - WCVB Boston

Atta girl Angela.

2009-11-09T14:40:00.001-08:00

"20 years ago the door to freedom opened up and a seemingly invincible wall that divided a people.....suddenly became permeable"
Angela Merkel, German Chancellor

http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/world/la-fg-berlin-wall10-2009nov10,0,6047869.story

When the walls come tumblin' down....

2009-11-09T14:07:00.000-08:00

20 years ago The Berlin Wall came down signifying the end of The Cold War. East and West Germans who had been separated for a generation embraced each other as long-lost siblings. What a tremendous event to witness in my our lifetime, and even better to watch from home in between Lifetime.

Even today we mark the historic event with walls tumbling down, Levi Johnston has arrived in NYC for his Playgirl shoot. Here is a man who is clearly riding his 15 minutes for all it's worth and by 'letting it all hang out' is giving Sarah Palin the middle finger (pun intended) How do I compare this to liberty reigning free in Europe? Why would I trivialize the enormity of such a fantastic moment in time with an opportunistic himbo selling skin pix? Because it's funny as hell. This kid was 'white-washed' for the sake of the election; by this I mean quarantined, Gap-ized, and gag-ordered to be a photo-op for the Republican Party's spin on the Conservative VP candidate's daughter's out of wedlock pregnancy. Now he's chewed threw his leash and is running around getting his money's worth of fame. The Wall's come down and Levi's showing and telling. He's doing it in such a tacky manner too that it's just too delicious. And with Kathy Griffin to boot. With her tutelage, how can he not become a professional Celebrity Whore. I say, "Go Boy, Go."

Oh and that homophobic football player got canned for his 'fag' slurs on Twitter. The team claims that this most recent incident isn't the only reason for letting Johnson go but it definately didn't help.

Johnsons' are out all over this post. Hee Hee.

I love that the Walls have fallen in political unrest, social impropriety, and professional athletics. It's all given and take in progress and sometimes things take time, laughing along the way sure helps.

Vibram 5fingers

2009-11-06T10:44:00.001-08:00

I love me my Vibram 5Fingers!

The Piv's Gifts......

2009-11-03T12:02:00.000-08:00

Sometimes the less said the better. Get strung out on ecstasy in Fresno, shooting your mouth off about Celestial beings and visions and stuff; go away for awhile, let the buzz die down/wear off. Take to many antihistamines and start shoplifting for the 'thrill' of the game?? Lay low, come back in some voice over roles and slowly reclaim your place at the table. Maybe it's about grace rather than will, maybe it's just in good taste being in more than your mouth but some people just can't stop the whining. And hear to turn your stomach (again) in more than one ways we have another song and dance from Hollywood's leading kvetch, Jeremy Piven.

You'll remember how he claimed to much sushi had given him Mercury poisoning? Thus ducking his responsibilities to B'way and Actor's Equity. Some say it was the lack luster reviews. Well the dietary diatribe continues on..... now he claims he's receiving man boobs from too much soy milk. Is a plastic bubble in order? Is there one already there that no one knows about? I once got stuff to grow in a fuzzy place from my bfast cereal, but that was only after I sent three box tops to General Mills for a terrarium the size of my palm. This soy pandering only can lend to bollstering the theory that the hormones in soy can make you gay. Soy vey Jeremy, what's happening here?

He wouldn't be setting up a big announcement here or is he just being a boob? Our prayers for a speedy rack-covery are with him.

Monkey Monkey.

2009-11-01T14:36:00.000-08:00

Monkey Monkey, make your wishes and fill the net with fishes. It's November and it's time to wrap the year up with a nice pretty bow. 'Function in Disaster; Finish in Style. I hope blessings abound for all. And as we look forward, let's look back........

Feliz Dia De Los Muertos.... The Latino holiday to remember those passed. It's an odd little tradition but kind of humorous in how they go about it. It coincides with the catholic 'All Soul's Day' as a time to communicate with those that have died, being the divide between the two realms smallest. Dating back to the Aztec calendar, the ceremonies usually involve ofrendas; offerings to the departed. Whether it be in an altar with their favorite sweets, tequilas or flowers, or involving parades and parties, food and dance. Usually a trip to the cemetery to visit the interred marks the day. They mark the fact that Death is inevitable, why not make it hospitable? Allow a time to visit the passed in the present. It's sentimental and practical. There is even a familiarity in the art that depicts the celebrations as quirky or even fun. The solemnity of the tone is not to be missed, the Latinos are fervent that they remember those before them, but really......any excuse for a party is alright by them.

Forbes' Dead Celebrities 2009

2009-10-31T18:02:00.000-07:00

This is a Spatagram favorite, Forbes' List ripped from the LA Times:

It's that time of year, when Forbes magazine releases its annual list of top-earning dead celebrities. You might think Michael Jackson would top the list, since his estate has opened the floodgates with music and a film, "This Is It," to satisfy consumer demand for all things MJ in the wake of his unexpected death in June.
But no, holding on to the No.1 spot is French fashion designer Yves Saint Laurent. Laurent died of brain cancer at age 71 in June 2008. Boosted by the auction of much of his estate at Christie's in February, more than $350 million has been raked in during the last 12 months, Forbes reported.
Coming in No. 2 is the team of composer Richard Rodgers and lyricist Oscar Hammerstein, the duo responsible for such Broadway and movie musicals as "South Pacific," "The King and I," "The Sound of Music," "Carousel" and "Oklahoma!" Rodgers died in 1979 and Hammerstein in 1960, but they still combined to earn $235 million in the last year.
Then Jackson shows up at No. 3 with $90 million.
The rest of the list, according to Forbes:

4. Elvis Presley, $55 million.

5. J.R.R. Tolkien, $50 million.

6. Charles Schulz, $35 million.

7. John Lennon, $15 million.

8. Theodor Geisel (Dr. Seuss), $15 million.

9. Albert Einstein, $10 million.

10. Michael Crichton, $9 million.

The full Forbes coverage is here.
-- Claire Noland

L.A. L.A. Land at it's finest.

2009-10-31T17:36:00.000-07:00

You can't help but swing a broom to find a reveller in this town gussied up for the holiday of Halloween. It's a sight to behold. Lawns are done up in scare-scapes, people gas up their cars in costume. The thrift stores are doing a crazy business and gypsy Halloween stores have popped up in abandoned store fronts. This is social commentary on many levels. The City of Dreams, What's yours? has proven that it's definitely style over substance that counts on the 31st of October. The sun is going down as I type and I can feel the curtain start to rise. Sequins are flying, make-up is being reapplied, and taffeta is flowing. The costumes should be perfect, as there is an invisible competition all around that's palpable. It's the time to don the mask and let it out. It's the time to dance with the freaks and geeks. It's the only day of the year that hearing 'Boo' won't traumatize a person. Los Angeles loves it's Halloween like a prodigal child, when it comes home it gets a fresh robe and a place at the table. No harm or foul as to what took it away, it's here, be queer, get used to it.

I'm off to dance with The Tribe tonight. Let you know how this goes.

xoxo Gossip Girl.

(see my online Halloween Costume??)

(and last years Western Exterminator guy)

2009-10-30T14:11:00.001-07:00

Jack says "Boo!"

This message has been sent using the picture and Video service from Verizon Wireless!

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2009-10-30T13:53:00.001-07:00

Jack says, "Boo!"

This message has been sent using the picture and Video service from Verizon Wireless!

To learn how you can snap pictures and capture videos with your wireless phone visit www.verizonwireless.com/picture.

Note: To play video messages sent to email, Quicktime@ 6.5 or higher is required.

2009-10-30T13:41:00.001-07:00

Mobile blogging??? In my hands it's safer in Mobile, AL.

Silly ARod, Silly Jeter. Damn Yankees....

2009-10-30T12:11:00.001-07:00

Are you shitting me?

2009-10-28T13:20:00.000-07:00

Remember; It's not my intention to embarass you. It's to ridicule you.

Providing insight into what exactly people say and think sometimes don't every coincide. Actually there's a preponderance of speaking to a lack of thinking in Los Angeles. Without further ado.......

Surfbrah: It was ripping today

Surfbrah girlfriend: You didn't surf today?? Did you?? The swell's up from the storm. The bacteria in the water is 'out the door' (meaning a lot).

Surfbrah: I didn't see anything.

I shit you not.

Fins to the left.....

2009-10-21T13:03:00.000-07:00

I love the beach. I love the water. This may just be why I live in So Cal, they both are so close. Last year I began learning to surf. I have the wax, have the board, have the swimming ability and coordination is coming. Have the instructor with the patience of a saint (K-dog) and an equal passion for the shore. Every time I have someone from out of town, I always take them to my fave beaches, and usually end up getting wet in the cold, fantastic Pacific. It's a beautiful coast and needs to be shared. The Pacific isn't always forgiving to the Spats, it has in fact dislocated a shoulder and turned my ankles a couple of times but I still limp/hobble back into get wet. I love me my beach, but recently there was a guest photographed at Sunset Beach near Gladstone's that I hope I never meet and know I have to share the water with.

So yeah, there he/she is. All flirty and animated for the fisherman, breaching the water and shaking it. Eight to ten feet of teethy, sharky joy. Not to be confused with any of the happy agents at CAA, this shark puts water down like Stoli and not vice versa. The water is warm this year so this sighting is highly unusual but with all the recent "sharkaphobia" that's been in the papers and told across the dunes the visit is freaky. I'm more apt now to swim in packs, not keep hamburgers in my pockets and to look both ways when crossing the wave. I have to share the road with bikers and now the water with sharks, "and to think they made that movie about that deadbeat, Gandhi". Name the quote for a prize.

It could be worse, in SoCal the shark sightings are few and far between compared to other places such as Hawaii and Australia. This picture is of a ten footer that was seen off the coast of Australia. The bites taken out of it suggest a 'super shark' guestimated at twenty feet plus. Australia holds fascination for me to visit, but maybe K-Dog and I will visit the beach with our books packed and leave the boards at home. Hawaii I have no interest in........

Dead man slumped on balcony mistaken for Halloween decoration

2009-10-16T13:52:00.001-07:00

Dead man slumped on balcony mistaken for Halloween decoration

Posted using ShareThis

Happy Friday, love to love you baby!

2009-10-16T12:14:00.000-07:00

I don't know if this is true or not, but my buddy Matteo sent it to me, and I think it's a lovely way to start a weekend. A bit piggish but you know what, Miss Piggy and Wonder Woman were some of my earliest gay icon's. Now I've moved onto David Beckham and fresh pasta. My, how the mighty have fallen. Matteo is my source of inspiration for "Are You Shitting Me...."

This just keeps getting better......

Cheaper than Ed Hardy...

2009-10-15T12:39:00.000-07:00

Can you believe that this idiot has Leviticus on his arm tattoo'd? I love the First Amendmant, don't be confused but to put the most mis-represented verse in the Bible out on public display is really audacious in Stupidity.

The bearer is a friend to the assailant of Jack Price. Jack was assaulted early Sat morning by two men shoutting slurs, and hospitalized. The thugs claim it wasn't a Hate Crime. Read the story here.

(photo Towleroad)

May those who love us, love us.
And for those who
don't love us,
May God turn their hearts.
And if he can not turn their
hearts,
May he turn their ankles,
So we may know them by their limping.
May you live as long as you want, and never want as long as you
live.

No Homo Video.

2009-10-09T13:48:00.001-07:00

I couldn't post this video for some techno reason that's beyond this monkey's capabilities, follow the link and have a great laugh.

I found it tres amusing, and you know what I think matters immeasurably.

How's my spelling?

Sarah's pale-in....

2009-10-08T13:08:00.000-07:00

It was just a matter of time. I can't wait. It's not that I'm big into Levi, I just like seeing the tables turned and men being as big a Ho as they can be.

Pain in the Alaska, Levi Johnston prolongs his 15 minutes of fame with 3hours a day in the gym six days a week. He is readying is Tripp making form for a spread (sort of speak) in Playgirl. Going Rogue has never been so fun.

From Towelroad:

Never Forget...

2009-09-11T14:34:00.000-07:00

Tony Spats' audition, "The Next Food Network Star"!

2009-08-31T12:38:00.001-07:00

I wasn't just teasing you with that photo the other day. Here's the goods.

I heart Tom Colicchio

2009-08-28T14:27:00.000-07:00

This week's episode of Top Chef brought the cheftestants to a natural challenge in Vegas, feeding a wedding couple on the eve of their nuptials. In a surprising move BravoTV has heightened it's gay element on this show by voicing the concerns of one cheftestant, Ashley, on the frustration of being gay and having to cook for a straight wedding. Ashley finds it aggravating not having the same rights in this country and wasn't quiet about it. The gay element on Top Chef has always been there but never actively political. This was very cool to watch, knowing how many gay contenders have stood toe-to-toe on the show with their straight colleagues.

It gets even better when Head Judge Tom Colicchio came to bat with recent comments about Ashley's concerns on his blog

"I’m going to go out on a limb and say a few words about same-sex marriage: First of all, part of the problem with the issue is that it is framed by opponents as a discussion of whether gay people should get special rights. This is specious – yes, special legislation or court decisions grant them the right to wed in a particular state, however this is done to ensure that they share equal protection under the law by finally being able to avail themselves of the same rights as everyone else. They are not seeking special treatment, just equitable treatment. Second, religion has no business being part of the discussion. When a couple is wed in a house of worship, the officiant may be performing a religious rite, but as far as the law is concerned, that officiant has been authorized to perform a civil function, plain and simple. And even were same-sex marriage to be legalized by the state, no one would be holding a gun to the heads of the clergy to require them to perform a ceremony that their faith or personal creed does not condone. Just as some rabbis would not perform my marriage to my wife because I wasn’t Jewish, clergy can decline performing same-sex marriages; gay couples can either find clergy willing to officiate or can be wed in a civil setting. The idea that religious leaders are continuing to shape state law is just wrong. The institution of marriage should be available to all. The idea that you can have a life-long partner and not make decisions for them in a hospital, not share in insurance benefits, not automatically have parental rights unless you are the birth parent, is just flat-out wrong."

Tom Colicchio has long had a gay following, especially among the bear community and with these comments may have gotten an even larger following. What a man........

Who wants to be the Next Food Network Star? Me.

2009-08-26T12:20:00.000-07:00

"Who's opening for me????"

2009-08-18T11:16:00.001-07:00

As only in this town, I'll be on the Sheena Metal Experience today at 6 pm PST, taking calls and stalking halls. Tune to latalkradio.com to listen live for hit the archives when convenient. I'll be on right after legendary Carol Channing of stage and screen fame. I plan on bringing my big glasses and hopefully do my Steven Tyler/Carol Channing impersonation I've been perfecting for years. Those near and dear will know this party game of mine and cringe.

Can you believe??? Carol Channing is opening for me??? Nuts what this town can do. Alright, I'm closing for her, sweeping the stage like it was the closing credits to The Carol Burnett Show. (There's that name again) Make sure you call and talk live with Sheena and Carol and then Sheena and Tony........818.602.4929

Summer recess is ending and you can look for the Resurrection of Spatagram to the new games I've learned along the way. Comedy knows no bounds this Fall. Watch, read and learn.

The Sheena Metal Experience!

2009-07-07T15:57:00.000-07:00

We had joy, we had fun, we did something with your son! Not really but now that we have your attention....

Tony is on The Sheena Metal Experience today at 5 pm PST on latalkradio.com Sheen hosts this daily show with a cadre of guests that each bring a certain specialty to the table. I bring a love of people crafted through my work as an actor/minister/waiter. We generally cover the absurd to the obscene with little held back in between. Our last show on etiquette is still be dissected by Miss Manners. Please don't miss the opportunity to hear true genius and species as we wrap our heads around the important stuff like 'Where have all the cowboys gone' . Call in and talk LIVE at 818.602.4929. The first two hundred callers will receive our thanks and special blessings.

Best!!!!!

Tony Spats

Joey Chestnut Does It Again!!!

2009-07-04T10:54:00.000-07:00

That's right true believers, Joey Chestnut has defeated his arch rival Kobayashi in the famous Nathan's Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Championship. Last year the heated race came down to a dread five dog eat off, but this year Joey smashed his 59 dog victory with a world record breaking 68 dogs!!! How's that for Independence? I think the picture says it all.

Michael Jackson.

2009-06-25T15:56:00.001-07:00

I promise not to turn Spatagram into celeb obits online, but this day is insane.

What with just losing Ed McMahon, Johnny Carson's right hand man and one of the most amazing men in show business, we lose Farrah Fawcett a 70's icon and stunning spirit. To further that, out goes the King Of Pop.

Michael Jackson is the third of the Celebrity Deaths that always go together. This 3 though, is epic as it totally brings mine and my contemporaries mortality into focus. My youth is transferring into spirit and my memories are pouring out. This record, "Thriller" was the most important album of my time and arguably, of all time.

His tortured existence was well documented but cant belay the fact that he was the greatest entertainer the World ever saw. His legacy will be remembered as that of an incredibly creative force that blasted Pop music into every ear. Such a talent. God bless Michael.

Farrah Fawcett.

2009-06-25T09:53:00.001-07:00

So I was a happy little boy when I got my Farrah Fawcett poster. I hung it proudly on my bedroom door. Oddly enough I hung it on the outside of the door, facing the hallway Maybe I did this to mark my goddess' arrival and that I was part of the curve. I was more trendy then anything else I guess. If it was true hetero lust she would have been hanging over my bed under the upper bunk.

An angel gets her wings, Farrah passed away today at age 62. Farrah fought long and hard in her battle with cancer and I wish her the peace she deserves.

DEADLINE post-it stop motion

2009-06-11T14:38:00.001-07:00

Ah, Bubbles and Tiffany, such a nice night it was....

National Martini Day, June 18th.

2009-06-11T14:22:00.000-07:00

Can you only imagine? A tini holiday.

"It's a jolly holiday with Stoli......."

Read.

Live Free Or Die!!!!

2009-06-03T14:29:00.000-07:00

And now there are six. Same Sex Marriage is legal in Connecticut, Iowa, Maine, Massachusetts, Vermont and now New Hampshire!!! Granite State Indeed!

The Sheena Metal Experience!!!

2009-06-02T15:36:00.000-07:00

I'm on the Sheena Metal Experience today at 5pm PST. Listen online and call for advice 818.602.4929 latalkradio.com Are you experienced?

White is the new Rally.

2009-05-26T14:42:00.001-07:00

Rally For Marriage Equality

2009-05-24T23:02:00.001-07:00

Who knew I'd ever shout Mazel Tov! at a wedding I'd officiate. Talk about an identity crisis. Oy vey.

C'mon CA, NY, NH.............

2009-05-24T12:22:00.001-07:00

Via joemygod.blogspot.com

The Real Housewives of NYC Reunion

2009-05-22T23:22:00.003-07:00

As cartoonish as the actual season was.

The Real Housewives of NYC Reunion

2009-05-22T23:22:00.001-07:00

I love the Countess!!!

2009-05-22T14:43:00.001-07:00

Happy Memorial Day!

Geeked Out.

2009-05-21T13:17:00.000-07:00

I'm dating a married man. Shocking you say? It's not all it's cracked up to be. He's married to a friend of mine and he's straight. Our dates are nonsexual and what makes this worse....I know non sexual and straight isn't enough.......they're geeky.

E and I love sci-fi, fantasy, comic book genre. And we treasure our nonsexual movie dates. They usually involve pre show cocktails and when we're really feeling it....hot dogs. Screw the popcorn. We're there for every X movie, Star-whatever and Chronicles of Dragonriding literati that we can capture. If there's a dark force in the cinema, my God, show us where to sign. Loved ones step aside at this usually to ignore the glare of Geekdom, it's a discerning art form. But look at this objectively: It may be geeky, it ain't nerdy. Geeky will imply a certain abnormality to the mainstream but still retaining a sense of sociability. Nerdy means under developed social skills in a counter culture. I will accept geeky as a method operandis.

And each summer brings more of the genre to the box office which means more dates with E, Patron and Oscar Meyer. Weenies all over the place. This summer is hot for these films and let me tell you here and now, Go See 'Star Trek'!!!! You will thank me. The movie has totally revitalized the franchise and you can only see great things to come. The casting was perfect, the story great and the visuals.....Wow. Go see it. Our date was at the IMax for this movie, and I walked out dizzy. It was my first IMax and this was the movie to experience it in. And ps, it was funny. 'Wolverine's' next and hopefully 'Haunting in Ct'. Geek, OUT (say it like, "Kirk, Out!")

Spatagram

Study A Broad.

9/11, remembered.

Love this.

Michele Bachmann Song

Proud enough to Post

Star Wars Day

Best Bar Mitzvah video, ever.

Burger King of Kings

National Joe Day.

Fergie-Be Italian

Good night Elizabeth.....

Westboro Baptist......mark your days.

Hackers Group Warns Westboro Baptist:You Will Face Our Vicious Retaliation

Oy vey. Polar express

Sarah Palin Battle Hymn

Stuck In The Middle With You - Stealers Wheel

Happy BDay RuPaul!!!!

Spirit Day.

Hammer !! Er macht ein Tor mit seinem DingDong

The one night.

Nine Years Later.

Happy Labor Day!!!

Chris Colfer (Rolling Stone)

today.

rabbit, rabbit...

Matrimonial baloney.

Pink.

National Hot Dog Day!

RuPaul's Jealous Of My Boogie (featuring Tyra Sanchez, Raven and Jujubee

Follow up to yesterday.

More Kool-Aid, Levi??

Rabbit, rabbit.

Are you shitting me????

D.C. Douglas PSA For Tea Party And FreedomWorks Critics

Telephone Remake

checked out Krystle @Glee

Betty White Lines

Danny Boy

Happy Birthday Albert Einstein!

Awards Shows; Brian Safi

Thank you for being a friend....

Now this is funny...

Left to my own devices....

Gay-est Superbowl moment. Ever.

Raging Grannies Rip CBS Anti-Choice Super Bowl Ad

Toe Huggers (monkeyfeet)

Obsessed much?

Lights! Camera! Action!

Mancrunch Super Bowl Spot

The King at 75

Last word. For a year.....

Relative Prices of liquids.

Maestro Wannabe Conducts the San Francisco Gay Men's Chorus

Very Interesting.

I'm sore.......at cold sores.

Noteworthy - "Poker Face" - 11/13/09

Season's Greetings......if that' s allowed.

Wrangler Really Tiny Jean Shorts from The Midnight Show, JamesAdomian, Eric Moneypenny, and Michael Busch - Video

'Meep' Banned From Local School - Boston News Story - WCVB Boston

Atta girl Angela.

When the walls come tumblin' down....

Vibram 5fingers

The Piv's Gifts......

Monkey Monkey.

Forbes' Dead Celebrities 2009

L.A. L.A. Land at it's finest.

Silly ARod, Silly Jeter. Damn Yankees....

Are you shitting me?

Fins to the left.....

Dead man slumped on balcony mistaken for Halloween decoration

Happy Friday, love to love you baby!

Cheaper than Ed Hardy...

No Homo Video.

Sarah's pale-in....

Never Forget...

Tony Spats' audition, "The Next Food Network Star"!

I heart Tom Colicchio

Who wants to be the Next Food Network Star? Me.

"Who's opening for me????"

Hackers Group Warns Westboro Baptist:
You Will Face Our Vicious Retaliation