Spatagram: Like riding a bicycle, part two.

In my newfound life, I recently parted from my partner of nine years and am late thirties looking for

purpose in the universe, I am doing thing out of the ordinary. I recently posted how I pulled my bicycle out of storage and took to the road, though I think the road to more from me than I it. I've been to the galleries, I've called old friends, I've been to the theatre, I've eaten alot of sushi, or basically; I've been to me, but I'm courting paradise. My friend Rob (straight) owns a boat and loves to go out on the water with it. Rob's an actor with lots of toys, he fully subscribes to the theory that whoever dies with the most, wins. He needs people to go out with on the water, as it simplifies the tasks, but in LA we are snowbound in Flakes. Rob is full on determined to share the experience with those of us at the restaurant where we all work and take them waterskiing. I sign up and soon after, Paul does. Paul (straight) is a Jersey guy with the perfect hair, perfect body, and perfect smile ~~hate him~~ he's nice. Paul and Rob are very athletic and in great shape, I hold my own, and sometimes hold my own stomach in. Basically it's two dudes and dad.

I say Dad as the last time I was up on waterskiis was thirty years ago. Both of my cohorts for the day weren't even born then. (Pause, breathe) (Pause, breathe) My cousin Peter used to take out his cousins on his powerboat when we would summer in Cape Cod. I miraculously rose to the top of the water several times

before eating most of Sippican Harbor. I was basically a spastic sponge. My baby sister Trish, never got up on skiis and Cousin Peter often instructed us to inform her friends at school if she started bragging that she waterskiid this summer that she actually" just sat in the water with skiis on". The past came back to haunt me as I sat in the lake with skiis on.

I gave this my best effort. I leaned back. I kept my knees together. I kept my feet together. I kept my wits together. I swallowed more water the official drove by to remind us that we were in a drought season and that I should stop affecting the lake level. I gave it the old college try but the irony is in that I was in college when Rob and Paul were in grade school. Rob, genius that he is, decided we should tie the skiis together to keep my legs together. I was doing more splits than Nadia Comenechi, and the irony is that neither Rob and Paul will know who she is. We tied me together and almost got Papa Spats up. The film of this is attached to the post. I was almost there when my spaghetti-like thighs informed me that there would be no further abuse needed; I would limp for a week.

We were on Lake Castaic from 9:30 until around 4 pm. The weather was perfect and the sun beaming. Slathering on the 30 spf wasn't going to prove enough. The traffic on the water went from good to plenty during the hours.

We made our way to the innertube. This insidious devious was of a great size with handles and a crucifix. We were covered physically and spiritually. I was able to save some face by riding that little bugger like a trooper. The look on my face should sell that. We took turns driving the boat and learned the navigation of cruelty, this is where your learn what centrifugal force will do relating from boat turns to trailer whipping. As hand over hand wheel turning would drive the boat, the wake effect and tube snapping was comical and sometimes malicious. They have various types of these tubes to do a boat's bidding. I'm told there's one that resembles a manta ray that actually can take airborn. I managed just enough air on the tube that I had, but I am intrigued. This device was much more friendly to me than the skis, and I won't even mention the wakeboard. Battered, bloated and babbling we made our way to shore. We had stopped at a little gas station/deli enroute and gotten manly italian combo sub which we ate so fast that the paper surrounding them had teeth marks.

Feeding time at the zoo, indeed.

I limped for a week and prized my sunburn. It was a fantastic day and I'm beholden to Rob for constantly offering to take us out, and me for accepting. Thirty years in the making I decide to try to re-create the Go Go's Album cover, Vacation. J and I say dragqueens recreate that album cover in Key West. I digress. Did I mention I limped for a week? I will get up on skis next time. I may swallow the other half of the lake, but hey-at least it's fresh water. Oh, my legs.

More images; Mr LA on his Razor.

Self Portrait 1.

Paul in action, he had a little routine to keep himself pretty when he got up on the skis. He made sure the shorts came down, the lips got wiped and the hair got juzjed up.