A School For Scandal.

A School for Scandal! tell me, I beseech you,

Needs there a school this modish art to teach you?

No need of lessons now, the knowing think;

We might as well be taught to eat and drink.

Caused by a dearth of scandal, should the vapours

Distress our fair ones—let them read the papers;

Their powerful mixtures such disorders hit;

Crave what you will—there’s quantum sufficit."

-Mr. David Gerrick, Prologue to Sheridan's 'A School For Scandal'


I pose the following for pondering, and I ponder the following for posing. Imagine a university that captures the real spirtit of America; ingenuity. The curriculum would be managing scandal and the staff would be accredited by the school of hard knocks. We would all be well versed in the merits, and sometimes marlboros, of how the teachers made it through their learning process. Sometimes learning hurts and in the School for Scandal, our teachers have already earned their..........................marks.

The phoenix dies only to be reborn.

THE SCHOOL FOR SCANDAL

Welcome prospective students to our learning center that teaches you to thrive in the most adverse of circumstances! We excell in spin and can spin in Excel. Our educators have checked their demons and are willing to share their experiences in our forum; The School for Scandal. Life got you down? Cat got your tongue? We can show you how to leave tongues wagging for more even when you're caught pants down. Our celebrity instructors have weathered heinous and in some instances, fellony episodes to bring your education to the next level. The penalties learned down below will provide insights for above. We strive to teach prospective students important techniques in functioning in disaster and finishing in style. Our curriculum is based in the "3 R's"; Reading, 'Riting, and 'Rithmatic. The clever balance in English and Sciences is a first of it's kind not to be overlooked.

Creative Writing: Learn the tricks of the trade with traded Tricks, James Frey and Ann Coulter. Fiction is emphasised and sometimes Super-Sized. Take a page from Ms Coulter's numerous politico novellas, she already has from many other uncredited authors. Learn Strunk and White, Sturm undt Drang, and Pork and Beans with published authors who got lit in literature. Both are taking time off the book circuit to teach this seminar.

Home Economics: Homemaking Mavens Martha Stewart and Heidi Fleiss show how cottage industrys can flourish to empires. Learn creative task management, catering, staffing, craftiness, and double book accounting. Insider trading is explored in two different schools of thought both under the credo "You have to go down to go up".

Music: It's the sheet. Half the class will be taught by Milli as Vanilli is dead. Vanilla Ice will make a cameo lecture and Cameo will make Vanilla Ice a bloody mess. The overall direction of the class is driven by George Michael, who loves to drive. Field trips to outdoor locations are part of the homework. Acoustics in public toilets will be studied.

Physical Education: The ecstasy and the agony is relived daily with Anne Heche half-heartedly supervising the girls' class. Badminton is setup, and left. Softball teams are chosen, and left. Bowling is allowed, but only if she gets to win. Rehab-alum Mark Foley swears by his texts that no one cares more for young men's physical education than the congressman. His planning, accessibility, inhouse laundry and season ending pizza party weekends have all been rated thumbs up by alumni and waiters in Key West. Awards banquets end the semester and have been planned by Joe Francis.

Drivers Education: Ted Kennedy and Billy Joel will show you a lesson one for the road. Also included 1. gloveboxes can easily be converted to icebuckets. 2. speedlimits are more than suggestions. 3. make more than passes at passengers. 4. cops to know, not pleas. 5. stick and automatic covered. Mel Gibson will make a guest lecture.

Psychology: Sean Young and Courtney Love pair up to discuss the intricasies of the mind, the nuance of thought and how to stalk your cheating ex. How to really do some damage to their credit and belongings are fully explored.

Adesde Fidelis: Unfortunately this groundbreaking fidelity workshop is cancelled as instructor Gay American Jim McGreevy's car broke down on the NJ Turnpike leaving him stranded in a rest station.

Communications: Russell Crowe and Naomi Campbell walk the walk and talk the talk on interpersonal communications. Special attention is paid to slapping the silly grin off an assistant or concierge's face and rage issues. Golf coach Jack Nicholson's seminar in anger management is featured. At the end of the class students are given a cell phone and lots of room. Mel Giblson makes a guest lecture.

Film Making: Joe Francis, professor emeritus. Rob Lowe, department head. Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee, instructors. Tom Sizemore, Colin Farrel and Paris Hilton, teachers aides. Mel Gibson makes a guest lecture.

Science: Biology is covered by Snoop Dog and da Hothouze Krew. Chemistry by that original pill-guy Rush Limbaugh. Post lab commentary with both instructors will put the Hip back in Hypocrisy. Expect heated debates as the pot calls the kettle black. Forget what you know as fact and come learn about more than life and reactions.

Accounting: Our experts from Enron engage Wesley Snipes and Richard Hatch for the fundamentals in bookcooking.

Family Planning: Jesse Jackson, Michael Jackson and Woody Allen discuss finding love late in life, the nursery and the nurturing, and the love of parenting late in life.

Sexual Education: Study a broad with former president Bill Clinton.

Public Speaking: A wonderful seminar with the Dixie Chicks and Kanye West always involves a second seminar in self defense. Record sales go up and down but Hate lasts forever. Mel Gibson makes a guest lecture.

Religion: Our school of thought is led in a wonderful diorama of ideology. Tom Cruise, Ted Haggard and Mel Gibson tell of insights found on their knees versus on the furniture. An opiate for the masses, religion is explored on many levels; as real estate, as love, and as energy. If a lecture seems dull, count on Tina and Don Julio to make good study aides. Everyclass ends in wrestling, but with three very different motives. Embrace the trinity.

We hope you find education as rewarding as we do at the School for Scandal. People will remember where you've studied, study with the best. It is who you know in life. We have amazing facilities, great books on tape in the Nixon Library and topnotch security by OJ Simpson. Know that what you put in your head, follows you for the rest of your life.