Indy.

On the fourth of July my Sista Sal and I have a tradition dating back to when we lived in a tiny little cottage near the shore in Yankee Key West. We have many strange rituals but this particular one is rather handy. The fourth of July is reserved for cleaning out the fridge. It seems random but if you've read any of my freaking posts you'll understand that I am the original Random House. I'm Random McNally when you try to 'go about it.' Get it, 'go about it'? Yeah, I know, "blah blah blah." So clean the fridge it is.

It starts around 11:30 am, so that the midday heat raises the stakes of your food going bad. Also the time guarantees you a good sweat for the task. Now the freezer is available to be part of the day, but not necessary. I only recommend doing it if you have extra hands. Connected to extra bodies to assist you I mean, not in the Jeffrey Dahmer, "Oh look the extra hands are on the Lean Cuisines" way. Onward. All old and unrecognizable products are trashed and the offending bag is brought immediately to the can in the yard, or dumpster be that as it may. No reason to gag any more than is absolutely necessary, I've always sad. Then the condiments are reorganized on the floor to make for a speedy transition back to their homes. They also make for a fun game of bowling with your pets. All the shelves are wiped and the remove able shelves scrubbed and dried. A good dose of dish detergent is recommended as Windex will only provide "The Illusion Of Clean" and a scent that will haunt your fridge like an angry pimp. Dive into the meat drawer and scrape up unused cheese products and or pate residuals. This can also provide a nice snack for some unsuspecting visitor who pops in for the holiday. Won't you just smile? After the meat drawer remove the produce bins and have at them. They endure the most abuse catching all the rotting fruit and veggies, kind of like Deena MacGreevy. Scrub and Purge, scrub and purge.

At this time send someone for sandwiches, sushi and a new Arm and Hammer Baking Soda for the fridge. Drink some of the odd beers that have collected themselves on your door. Nothing speaks the spirit of the holiday as a toast with Mexican, Japanese and Dutch beers. You should be pretty sweaty by now and the fridge is ready to restore. Replace all the drawers and shelves and wipe finger prints with semi damp cloth. Replace all food to the fridge interior, checking as you go to see if there's been spoilage. This is the added risk that makes the tradition so lively. Replace all condiments and mop floor from all the condensation. Do it with an attitude of looking down at the mess with righteous indignation, sort of a condescension to condensation. Yuk Yuk.

All in all the task should take an hour and will bring the family together. Even if you are on separate coasts, traditions can thrive and memories stay alive. My fridge is clean and my heart is too. I hope you can take from these experiences and raise your own hygiene.