Bea Arthur, Thank you.

I loved this woman for all of her roles and her amazing candor. She held her own against anyone on the screen and had a true gift for comedy. This clip was one of my faves. An era closes..

Cinderfella

I have a shoe problem. Not exaggerating, sixty to seventy pairs adorn my closet which is not really a closet anymore as opposed to a giant shoe box. Sandals, boots, clogs, slip ons, loafers, sneakers, lace-ups I have them all. I enjoy basic black and definitely red.

"Mother Cressley always said, 'the only two people in the world allowed to wear
red shoes are school children and streetwalkers'." -Carson Cressley, Queer Eye
For The Straight Guy

I have them in all colors of the rainbow and for all occasions under the rainbow. I am the Cinderfella sweeping the hearth in hopes to put on my special slippers to go to The Ball with the Prince. What I do for shoes is beyond me. But I just have to.

I also have shoes for active living. Hiking boots, flippers and running shoes. As of late my running had been halted by my bunions. Yep dear readers, I'm old. Dancing, Tae Kwon Do, Food Service and Running have given me a malformed foot prone to generating extreme pain as of late. I've grown in to this new footable condition. I play it easy and wear insoles in my special shoes. Then next logical step would be a helmet in the evening when I sleep. I'm falling apart at forty. What to do in the face of adversity? Dance.

I have found a new obsession and am telling anyone who'll listen or read about the Vibram Five Fingers. I am completely hooked on the little bastards and am wearing them proudly though I look like a damn fool. My shoe obsession made me take notice as I saw them on the feet of Mick's roommate. "What in the Sam Hill are those gloves on your foot???" I queried with a fervor that betrayed my normal cool. He was afraid as I dove for his foot to hoist it up to further exploration. He was as big a proponent as I am now. He also had bad feet that removed him from his running regimen. With this fabulous footwear he was back on the trail and even the road. The comfort and support are unchallenged. The selling point was him telling me that it best replicated running barefoot and the merits involved there. I was hooked. I had his leg in the air and wasn't ready to part from viewing the magic of the slippers. I was Margaret Hamilton for a moment, determined to get them, my pretties.

I have them. And I can't stop telling any active person to get a pair. They have me back on the road enjoying running which hasn't happened since the marathon four years ago. Training for that little epic left me with little to no love for the exercise and just became something I had to do to keep my body in shape. Now I'm back. From outer space. I just Five Fingered in to find that look upon your face. Get a pair. Or at least take a look at the website, they are the damndest thing I've ever had on my feet and that's saying something. Peace.

The Sheena Metal Experience.

Are you Experienced???

You should be by now. You should be bi now. Or not. Kiss it Miss California, you lost. Whoops, another rant, another time. Today 5 pm PST tune in to LATalk Radio and listen to The Sheena Metal Experience voice it's concerns of the failing of Society at large. We may even extol a few but it's highly unlikely.

As the Experience's own 'Wacky Waiter' I bring my time served in the trenches Serving out for all to sample. My own jimmied buffet is out for all to gather around and pick at. My time on the floor has let me seen the dark side of humanity and ham too. Sheena's time in the Secret Service has provided her with similar experiences. She'll be grand dame at the party today and I myself will be passing out the lollipops.

Give us a call and make it count 818.602.4929
You'll be glad you did.

xoxo
http://www.sheenametalexperience.com/
http://www.latalkradio.com/

TCR Gay Marriage Ad 041609

I would marry Steven Colbert.

Susan Boyle, really??

This is from joe.my.god

The Internet has not seen anything quite like Susan Boyle, whose online
popularity is headed straight to the history books. The video of Boyle's
performance in the reality show "Britain's Got Talent" has set the record for
the number of views in a week -- and shows no sign of slowing down. According to
Visible Measures, which tracks videos from YouTube, MySpace and other
video-sharing sites, all Boyle-oriented videos -- including clips of her
television interviews and her recently released rendition of "Cry Me a River,"
recorded 10 years ago for a charity CD -- have generated a total of 85.2 million
views. Nearly 20 million of those views came overnight. The seven-minute video
that was first posted on YouTube and then widely circulated online easily
eclipsed more high-profile videos that have been around for months. Tina Fey's
impersonation of Sarah Palin has clocked in 34.2 million views, said the folks
at Visible Measures, while President Obama's victory speech on election night
has generated 18.5 million views.

Obama's victory speech 18.5 million
Tina Fey's Sarah Palin 34.2 million
Susan Boyle 85.2 million

Priceless.

Casaba Cantina!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Melonball Thursday!!!! The best holiday of them all this year coincides with Passover the trendy Jewish holiday marking the exodus of the Jews from 400 years of slavery! From this they wandered the desert for forty years following Moses. (allegedly they were walking off the meal, nyuk nyuk) If they had only had GPS...........

I'm telling you this to tell you a SILLY little story, yes involving a passover of sorts. Imagine if you will, the Thrilling Resort Of Ill Repute sloping the hillside towards the Long Island Sound on the CT Shoreline. We call it Yankee Key West in this strip of the CT shoreline as many wild birds mixed with drunken cockatoo's, sometimes three or four. The Resort was a breeding ground for bad behavior and timeshares, the two go together like hot dogs and doughnuts. The staff there was a fantastic team of characters. It was like Hogwarts with liquor and name tags. The Prancing Polish Prince and I worked the slave shifts being the low men on the totem pole. This included bfast buffets with mutants like QTip, Elena and Disco Bob working side by side with us. More stories there, but another time. Sometimes the hangovers were so bad one of would sleep under the buffet while the other ran the floor and room service. I digress.

The Resort was a three tiered nightmare of stairs that developed my calves to the fierce models of art they are today. When we would work brunch, I was usually furthest away from the kitchen with a long way to schlepp plates. Down three flights to the hellhole kitchen I would carry my heavy trays and pass the coffee station along the way. There were swinging western doors to the station that had to be watched out before the next left, entrance to the kitchen. It was my joy to smack said door en route to knock my colleague filling a coffee pitcher so that it would spill (hopefully on them and burn a tad). This particular day I had hit the Prince a number of times and it wasn't helping his H/over. On the last trip down I smacked the door, shouting "Door" as was customary, into the Prince in full on coffee mode. He didn't care for this, followed me into kitchen with a scrounged piece of cheesecake off a nearby dirty plate laden tray. He stalked me to the dish station and as I unexpectedly dropped tray on slop station my ears were filled with, "Cheesecake!!!!" I turned to see the Prince in full demonic glee with dirty cheesecakd fingers. I turn to his unintentional target, the salad pantry and the weasel QTip that was shocked by the pastryassault that splattered on the facade of pantry. A pantry raid if you will. This was a Passover that I will remember for a long time. I wouldn't have worn the tyranny of the sweet very well and the acts of retribution would have been ugly. Happy Passover it was.

Isn't that Silly?????? I thought so.

HAPPY MELONBALL THURSDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Like A Whore In Church.

Sunday.

The Day Of Our Lord.

On the seventh day, we rest. And we remember the power that drives us. Drives the Universe. We remember this power and reflect on our week. On the seventh day we take a pause. And reflect. Unless you're this monkey.

I awake in a jolt. Having an appointment in Venice to become a happy couple's wedding officiant is on the bulletin of events today. These meetings have to take place at all hours due to acouple's busy schedules and the enormity of putting together their wedding. Morning meetings are de reguer. I put on the face of a holy man, around the heart of the salesman with the best of intentions to cement the two. Off to whore myself around for the nicest of reasons. It's warm this morning as I run to the truck.

The meeting is bliss and the couple fantastic. They exude hospitality not necessary for a Sunday in Los Angeles; great coffee, pastry, cheese and fruit. Considering the rat race this city can be, this oasis was an unforeseen haven and made the 'un-godly' hour for the meeting all to pleasant. They agree to the terms and I detail the service for them. Alls good in business here. Onward. The next appointment is of another color; KD.

KD and I have history.sheand I have a compulsion for saying what we are thinking without the use of a filter. It can land us into trouble from time to time but it can also be a tool for making fast friends. KD is a girl who was involved with a man for a number of years until realizing he wasn't the man she needed to marry. They parted company and she began the life of a single gal in the City. She embraced her singularity with both legs. Not to call her easy, call her agreeable. It is always on her own terms. She has the claim to fame of throwing a cheap date's wallet into the dishwasher after he had the audacity of taking her home and passing out on her. ( in flagrante delecto). It made her pay for the drinks that night so she thought it proper to take her reimbursement and clean up it's ct. "That's how he rolls? That's how I roll." She was sure it was the hour and not the company.

Any who, we're to meet for beers near the beach, to observe the freaks and compare notes on Life, love and prostitution. She has the audacity to be late. Preparation is more than a tube of "H" in Los Angeles. You have to prepare for anything including auditions, dates and traffic. Grasping this makes everything much simpler. So out in the sun I awaited the whore, sun beating down on me. A small bead began to form at my temple. Why I was stuck with an internal temperature of a magma pocket I don't know, but I can sweat on cue. Oh, DK, "Where Are You". In she rolls, 25 minutes late. The calamari was wilting. Quick pleasantries and then into the meat of our matters. She bares, I bare we have a communion of sorts. Please remember that there are many levels of prostitution and whoring both are easily mistaken for acting and restaurant work. Communion over, she describes her coming events for the day, trick one, then trick two. I smirk and wish her well on being able to plan something competently. To which she informs me that trick one was here to mark his territory and say "Howdy". I'm sick that she would parade her meat on our time, and unimpressed with the deli counter anyway. The grunts stumble in and out without much hoopla and I begin the Gospel of "Please don't wave your skanky lunch under my nose" These moments in time are there to keep out the barbarians in Life, not to invite them in. I tell her that I get why the cat brings in dead things as trophies, but don't need to throw up in the back of my throat. She gets it, finally and we say our goodbyes. I mean, for reals? It's Sunday here. I'm at rest.

I'm to attend a play tonite and am worried. Seeing friends of friends work can lend to awkward moments. What if the play is bad? What if you slept with the friend and just found out how Small the world is? What if they try to make you drink the 'Kool-Aid' and join their cult/theatre company? What if there's a hurricane and you step on a seeing eyed dog on the hasty retreat? So many things come to mind. Maybe I was just overtired at this point and seeing the universe winding me up. Mick wants me to mapquest the addy of the theatre "The Christian Fellowship Theatre Company and Rollerderby"! I know the street addy but the troupe makes me nervous a tad. Hopefully the theatre company is warmer to homos than The Church has been. Why are my wrists moist.?

The play is bad. And there is no mistaking it. The polite silence around us may as well have had a doily underneath it and a pinkie extended. We were in a Sunday social with programs. The friends performance was wonderful and there were fantastic moments that happened. Intermission for one. But the duration of the piece was not what was expected. Mick had to be to work soon and the first act was comprised of 32 scenes each ending in a blackout. As the scenes progressed I looked around to see we were the only obviously gays in attendance and treated to 'very nice' smiles and 'pleasant' stares. I blame the 'Kool-Aid' again. My breath shortened in the giant wooden hall. It was as if we had been herded two-by-two into an ark for theatrical salvation. My head was craning around for the dove to tell me we've hit the promised land, or even for Isaac the bartender from the Love Boat to fetch me something frothy with an umbrella. Neither insight I found my release, a sweat stain under my pecs reminiscent of a birds wing span. I looked like a Gucci born Trans-Am. My temple's moistened in this Temple and I began to snicker. I was sweating like a whore in church, and I was one. The day, the company the deeds had brought me to this glowing realization. I was a member of the oldest and second oldest professions and I was wearing my credentials for all to see. "Fame costs, and right here's where you start paying. In sweat." - Debbie Allen, 'Fame'.

Intermission came, like the rains to the plains and I made my way to the breeze. Mick arrived street side to tell me we couldn't stay for the second act for timing's sake. I understood and we both acknowledge that the play needed some tweaking. I noticed in his hands a paper napkin with HyDrox cookies and two paper cups of room temperature punch, both he was offering me. The Kool Aid!! I thanked him and told him I'd meet him at the car. This would give him an opportunity to send congrat's backstage in polite fashion. As I rounded the corner I poured the liquid into the dish of a leashd dog by the stage door and hopped into the Ferrari. A whore's got to do what a whore's got to do. I couldn't wait to shower.

Melonball Rising!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Long and hard we toil. Hours numerous and remunerations scant, we work. We work to provide for a better life and in doing so we find humor along the way. Humor is deliverance from the banality and agony of day in day out labors. Humor is a multilingual mistress who can provoke her recipient in many tongues. What's one man's trash is another man's treasure which explains the enormous success of Larry The Cable Guy.

Git 'er done.

It's silly, I know but so are so many other things in life. Why are tops necessary at the beach, why do we have to follow the flow of the escalators and what was Tropicana thinking with their new packaging?? Silliness abounds and we all see it differently. The common thread is that we are transformed in a moment by just that little twist that appeals to our senses. Schadenfreude, scatology, wit, knock knock jokes, practical jokes even Howie Mandel with a surgical glove can make someone stop and smile. In that moment you are free to feel, and even to dream a bit. I would love to be able to share in this happy feeling that we all share when something 'tickles our funnybone' and am once again inviting all to celebrating



Melonball Thursday; The unofficial holiday celebrating Silliness usually marked by toasting a shared silly act from the past with a melonball of the celebrant's personal choice. Historically the thursday before Easter.


This holiday took it's roots in a kegger back in the Eighties. It was originally marked as an homage a man who's ego directly influenced a generation of some very funny people. Melonball was his nickname but it became the bouncing ball that made me want to keep singing funny lyrics. The holiday was bastardized or re-engineered to bring in a larger group of people who deserve to feel good about themselves and their lives in the Nineties. From NYC to NH, from Newport to NJ the word was spread of a holiday that was the organized moment to have a laugh, a memory and a melonball. The word was spread from tavern to tavern, from career-ending youth theatre tours to career-ending youth theatre tours. Just like those beacons were lit in the end of "The Lord Of The Rings" the news has been spread. Alright maybe that was just silly, but we're still trying.

Everyone has a right to be silly at sometime or another (and hopefully even get paid for it) so this coming thursday, give yourself a break and crack a smile, have a melonball and tell a story or two. You'll make your bartender, local farmer and yourself a bit happier. And from the way the world is today, don't you think you deserve it????

Send your pictures of this Melonball Thursday to my email monoxvii@adelphia.net I look forward to seeing them and you and hearing your stories!

Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead: Ding Dong The Bells Are Gonna Chime!!

The Supreme Court of Iowa struck down the state's ban on Gay Marriage as unconstitutional. The Defense Of Marriage Act that sits on over half of the States' Constiutions was defeated opening Iowa to the legalization of Gay Marriage.

In the ruling, Justice Mark Cady wrote,

"We are firmly convinced the exclusion of gay and lesbian people from the
institution of civil marriage does not substantially further any important
governmental objective. The Legislature has excluded a historically disfavored
class of persons from a supremely important civil institution without a
constitutionally sufficient justification."

This makes Iowa the third state in the Union to legalize Gay marriage after Massachusetts and Connecticut. Isn't that a hoot? Free spirited CA just can't get out of it's own way. Maybe the Iowans will put it up for a ballot initiative so that the Mormon's can blow some more cash.

No on H8.