Pan, Pandemic, Pandering, Panties, part three.

Pan ran, flitted and flirted. The fawn-god ran in and out of the white hot spotlight showing his wares everywheres. Throughout the land tongues wagged almost as hard as the dogs were wagged. "What be this?". "Could it be?" . "I've always thought". "Why would Pan be with those guys, unless....?". There really is a sucker born every minute. Sort of speaking. The media querried, the townspeople worried, and the spin queeried. As the dust settled Pan was pleased with smoke and mirrors job. You really can't pay for this kind of advertising, and if you can score some workout tips, even better. Pan was pleased that the townspeople could sit-up and watch, living vicariously through the friends sittups. Pan was especially happy that the townspeople could speak, no one likes to be forgotten. Creating attention to his new playmates and their upcoming parties was all it was. Now the jocks can hang up theirs, kick back, drink mojitos, and laugh that it was all worth it. It was a mutual beneficial alliance really. They may even make a movie about it.

Cholo, Churro, Charo.

Imagine a movie set in Echo Park where a young girl protests her pregnancy as a sign of her surrendering her virginity. Imagine a movie set in Echo Park where a girl cast out from her reverend father, father's home is made to seek refuge with her gay uncle cholo's home (o)'s? PS cholo is latino for gangster. Imagine the trichotomy of a movie set in Echo Park. Quinceanera is a great movie to see. Please, see it.

Churros are doughnuts with phallic tendencies. Is it a mistake that they look like cactus branches or am I over thinking? I have a tendency to do both. I like them with cinnamon and granulated sugar, like fried dough at a San Gennarro streetfest, the warm dessert with a cake-like center that's best served at a roadstop taqueria, wrapped in wax paper. Get there, and get there now.

Charo is a brilliant guitarrist. She is an actress. She is a celebrity. She, I'll say it here, is an icon. Like Pia Zadora was to the seventies, Hrosvita was to the middle ages, Charo is important to understanding current society and it's trends. She was paramount in the eighties to know how Love Boat should be received, light and fanciful with a great moral delivered by closure. And presently as a modicum of humor in a Geico advertisment, could we really understand what the beleagured client wanted out of their nasty episode without a bunch of rapid spanish and some bodythrusts in spandex and glitter? I say not. I also say what Charo taught me in the eighties:

"A front..."
"And a back..."
"And a belly, and a belly, and a belly, and a belly."

"And a front..."
"And a back..."
"And a belly, and a belly, and a belly, and a belly."

....I do this while lifting up the waist of my t-shirt, exposing my midrift, and my feet dance the semblence of a samba. Am I anymore continental? Am I anymore responsible? Am I anymore hot? I think not.

Indulge in all of the above, I think that you may enjoy life a degree more. I do.


Sweet. Dolce. Dulce.

Jimmy Choo, Chimmichurri, Jimmy Jimmy, Choo- Choo.

If you've read this post's title properly, I may not even need to post. But I will for those who need further spatatention. You know who you are. If you dont get the rhythm, think Adam Ant.
That's it. That's all. That's enough. Let's get silly.

Jimmy Choo, a shoe and more. A guardian angel that took young women by the foot to grandeur. Individual pedistals for works of art to be displayed on. Though many an artifact was overshined by their shoes. (shoeshine, shoeshine) Well-heeled (har-har) in London's East End sat Jimmy Choo Couture Shop since the mid sixties. The glitteratti's one-stop for must have shoes and accessories. Until the one day when Tamara (Mellon) meet this fellow. And she knew that it was much more than hunch that these shoes would sell well if on cable. Call HBO, they've got to go, Sarah Jessica is able. Well they sold abunch, while the girls had lunch, an empire was built by Tamara's hunch.

Chimmichurri is a wonderful condiment. It gives a steak firmament. It's origins argentinine, it's flavor sublime, and red pepper seasons it's temperment.

Chimmichurri:

Finely chop one white onion.
Mash and mince 3 cloves garlic.
Toss in bowl with one good handful chopped curly parsley.
Add one tablespoon fresh oregano (or 1tsp dry, philistines)
Add one tablespoon red wine vinegar.
Toss all ingredients with 1/2 cup olive oil.

And remember, like a crying three year old, it improves if you let it sit alone, slightly covered in the dark. Use as a marinade, a dip, or a condiment. The chimmichurri I mean, not the three year old.

Jimmy Jimmy was a silly song on Madonna's True Blue album. A quintessential B-side, it never made the club scene. Back when there were albums. Albums and tapes, can you imagine? I cant even remember how it went, but True Blue gave us 'Papa Dont Preach" among other favorites. So Jimmy Jimmy is due some respect.

Back in CT there was the original Wal-Mart, called Railroad Salvage. It was a fleamarket disguised as a department store where you could get something lanced, mounted, resized, in bulk or even on rye. They did it all. It was the place to find something cheap. Ruby Vine was the man that operated Railroad Salvage and he used to wear a cheap toupee. He sported a pocketprotector and curvaceous wife named Choo- Choo. They were a Jim and Tammy Fae of retail not religion. Choo-Choo!

Rollplay

A confirmed creative arts emmy award winner, showing off her wares.

Demi, Demure, Demitasse

Demi Moore got her start on General Hospital.

Demure behavior can help you avoid the hospital.

Demitasse is a small coffee.


I hope this clears things up.

Sniff, Snaff, Snuff.

When you come upon a worthy target don't you sniff them out? Don't you harken close and let their appreciation permiate your senses by way of your nose? Don't you look at them as a familiar and say that I will approve any atrocity you have committed me to but just let my dry cleaning be ready? Don't you pray to the day that whatever dies you wont know familiarly and wont hold you accountble? Don'tyou know that the little whore that gets choked in that movie is the same as you or I? Do you know this? Does this make a difference?

E$xploitaition happens and what you can do about it says a lot about you.

xoxoxoxoxoxoox

tspats

Lies, Thais and Spies.

Do you feel the universe start to correct itself? The body will reject a sliver or dissolve it, with some irritation along the way, but ultimately it will right itself to harmony.

Valerie Plame is suing the United States government for exposing her as a CIA opperative, endangering her, her family and her work. The spy who loved GB, Inc is giving them the goldfinger.

Thailand officials ended the ten year mystery of Jon-Benet Ramsey's death by arresting and deporting the crazy preppy looking perv. Everybody owes her father a prayer tonite.

And a Federal District Court decided the government's use of wiretaps, unconstitutional. Yep, them radical district judges with agendas proved their craziness once again by defending our rights as citizens.

One can only hope with clear conscience, hearts and phones we can see this administration to it's just end and our credibility as a democracy for the land of the free, home of the brave, restored.

Bobo.

There was a character in Moonstruck, the waiter named Bobo. Bobo was a career waiter who mourned the loss of Mr. Johnny(Danny Aiello) as a good bachelor customer for thirty years, to marriage. If you spend anytime in the foodservice profession, the second-oldest profession that is, you come to rely on your regulars not just as financial clients but as balasts to your peace. One positive visit can remove the memories of six horrible guests. This weekend I got in touch with my inner Bobo as I sent regulars of mine for the past five years, to their new home in Vegas. On some level it was a graduation, my establishment in Los Angeles was complete. Kids were named after me, stories told of horrific comments made while dining under my careful eye, and table envy created all through the dining room. On another level it was a bic pen to the heart that my life in serving was speeding by like Mel Gibson down the PCH. (Funny on four levels) I'm amazed at the time going by and counter-balanced by the amazing people I've met. Where does the time go/Oh, here come those nice people........... . My inner Bobo started to take inventory on humanity and reflect on the good ones versus the schmucks. The stuff you see on a daily basis is great sport. I thank my parents hourly when I'm busy at the restaurant that I was brought up respectful and hard working, and not the slovenly pig that I was slinging mahi mahi at. I mean really, where were some of these people raised? A petri-dish? Are you shitting me? As the animosity rises I remember the visit with the nice ones, and the rage subsides. I smile, I make coffee and remind newbies to the business that it's just work, and people are funny. Just Bobo's observations. Next time you come across Bobo look into his eyes and see if you can tell what's going on in that head.

Multiplicific

I find that in the land of hyphenates, a town populated with waiter-actor-screenwriters and minister-improv artist-actor-saviors, information is best distributed in bytes. Sound bytes are not what's processed first, the frequency is. Something told once is effective, but twice is nice.

"You rock." This is good.

"You rock. You rock." This is better.

"You rock. YOU ROCK. You rock." This is best and the added emphasis relays the sincerity.

"You rock. You rock. You rock. You rock." This will enslave your Southern California audience. The more you repeat the same expression reiterates sincerity. Sincerity is driven home in this town with the force of a runaway schoolbus, albeit the short bus populated with screaming, wailing denizens.

I find adjectives are brushed up with the use of hyphens.

"The crab special? It's nice-nice."

"monkey-monkey"

"Dont talk to him he is crazy-crazy."

"I cant talk right now, it's busy-busy."

That little dash dashes between time and space to deliver urgency. Your adjectives are better distributed with a blast of speed. Must deliver information timely to Angelenos as their attention is constantly, dangerously close to wandering. It's a familiar tone, like a kindergarten teacher.

And of course where would multispeak be without the power of the Y. Not YMCA, so dont start doing the little dance or conjure up images of the Village People. The Y is a gateway drug to delivering bytes in a safe manner.

"Play nicey nice, Clarence or there will be no pie tonite."

"Time for nappy naps everyone."

"There is far too much worky- work for this drone to do."

Marky Mark.

As you can see, you can make an impression, even a fleeting one, by multiplicific dialogue. A billboard in Times Square will relay information but repeating the data in a myriad of little flashes really drives your point home. Hypnotists have known for centuries that the calm repetition of suggestion renders your subject wide open to direction. Hypnotists have known for centuries that the calm repetition of suggestion renders your subject wide open to direction. Whether it be in repeated forms forms, conjoined blip-blips, or linky linked audiences like small bytes as we thoroughly chew our information. Or maybe our attention spans just need mental aerobics as they've been numbed down. Did you just read all the way here? Maybe I have a pointy point.

Michael Phelps.

Multi-olympic medal winner, swimmer Michael Phelps is pictured here. His accolades are far too numerous to mention. What a great way to start a weekend. Holy cats, I need to go do a sit-up or two.

At Long Last: JUST WONDERING.............

In a galaxy, far, far, away a beacon was lit. Hypocrisy was exposed and Humor delivered (the kind that melts on your mind, not on your shorts) by the distribution of JUST WONDERING. JUST WONDERING, a leaflet denouncing the lies spread in our creative environment, was the brainchild of several artists. In the way of Thomas Paine, common sense was delivered on the doors of the faculty of my alma mater expressing the disappointment of an educational experience that was suited to self versus service. The events, responsiblility, and reciprocity is unimportant. What is important is that, "It's baaaaccccccccccckkkkkkkk!"

JUST WONDERING.......................................................

If Fox News or MSNBC ever considered more reality- based programming. Maybe WWF?

If it's flour before wine or wine before flour in scampi preparation?

If Rush Limbaugh takes illegal viagra does he get taller, or speak with an accent?

Will Star give Al the ring back, and if so will he pierce his nipple with it?

Why have the Gabor Sisters been in the United States for sixty years and still speak with an accent? And did Ivana mean to catch what they have?

Does Ann Coulter blow lines of coke off her copy of Mien Kampf and is that where the majority of her plagiarism comes from?

What was Marvel Comics smoking in the boardroom when they hired Brett Ratner?

Will Mel Gibson continue to be crucified? Literally?

Is the staffmember at the Home Depot kitchen remodelling center considered counter-intelligence?

On Vacation.

I am currently on vacation. Every year I get away with my family and we play in the surf and fridge, mix and mingle and dress up the average Pringle. We measure the merits of one's success, the growth of our children (mine's still inner) and the time that goes by. The house has ahistorical aspect where my aunts and uncles did the same things with my mom. Gathering, playing cards eating, drinking, and lots of laughing. It's been in the family forever and holds a soothing springs/spa position in our relations.

It's about the deprogramming and reminding one another that we are a funny pack of mongrels, forced to run together as we were raised and still running with each other after all this time. We compete and complete. We are determined to have a great time and a great body. We work well as a unit and NO ONE can clean like these people. We were brought up right and are right repectful. We know that dishes are never returned empty, phone calls are returned promptly and the power of the Thank You Note is immense. We look forward to seeing each other, mostly, every summer.

My showing off on the sailboat is just gravy. Thirty something and still wearing speedos. Take that sib's. The tan came in the early california preparation for the trip. David Beckham has similar photos of himself on the net. They're a little different than my series here.