Thursday, March 24, 2011

Fergie-Be Italian

Really the movie left me a little cold. I love the story and had no idea the music was going to be this good. Kate Hudson tears up Cinema Italiano and Fergie makes this a show stopper. "Be Italian" was hot, hot as it was shot and hot in content. I had a friend who used to sing this song to me in homage of my lineage but that was as far as my research went into this show. Be Italian indeed.

On my 'bucket list' if you will are several nonsensical things that really define Spats as Spats. Mohawk, Picnic in Wal-Mart, more tattoos. But on the list for serious sake is learning to speak Italian. I've wanted to converse with my father and aunt about those in the room around us, hey, isn't that what speaking multiple languages is all about? I've wanted to go to the country of my ancestors and speak the language to the utmost of my ability. I love the sound of the language, the roll of it. And I figured if Julia Roberts could do it, mamma mia, I'm going to give it my darndest.

I've tried to play with cd's and tapes in the car, I've priced the community colleges for whatever they offer. I finally decided that I needed to bring the opportunities to my door. I am now proud parent of The Rosetta Stone series or Italian. I was clocking a Borders going out of business and waited until the time was right. This shit ain't cheap. I think the beauty of the series is that it's extremely well packaged. I love the bright yellow of the boxes and materials. It kind of reminds me of a school bus and therefore encourages reading. I love the jaunty little headset that accompanies the series for voice activated drills. Granted it seems a little bit sturdier than the tin cans in the Progresso (italian) soup commercials but not by far. I feel like an overseas operator when I drop the doo hickey on my head. And my similarity to a QVC operator is not lost on me or my sense of humor. Supposedly at the end of the course I will be so fluent that I will be able to go to rural Tuscany and teach the village children English. Aren't they in for a gelato of another flavor.

For now I'll be thrilled with simply watching a Fellini film. I won't even look at the subtitles. I can't wait to not just visually taste everything that's been my draw up to this point, but aurally get the picture together. Doesn't mean I'll understand the themes any better but hey, I get confused by Russell Brand movies. What the hey, I have time on my hands and look forward to blogging ala italia. Ciao!

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Thursday, April 24, 2008

Ladies and Gentlemen; Frannell

If I get one more fruitbasket delivered in honor of my guest blogger I will go smoothie crazy. You heard me. Blender bender.

She was amazing and a treat to keep up my tome during the Countess and my sojourn to the homeland. Fran, you are literary viagra. The trip was amazing and pix will be available shortly. If you've never been to Sicily, thanks. We want to keep it that way. It's unspoiled and beautiful. Largely in part to the mafia.

I'm back and let the games begin.

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Tuesday, April 08, 2008

The Countess and The Pool Boy.

She was worried, she knew that he would be crazy and might inspire her to actions. She placed her plastic rain-bonnet into it's well worn, felt case. She would need to preserve her hair-do for at least four more days, until Venice. As she scanned the bookstore, she smelled the leather, wood and dust mixture. She scanned for her contact and moved through the store in cautious strides.

Aahhhh Venice, she mused. Her last trip there had been when she took that 'tumble' down the grand stairs of the Hotel di Venezia, near Piazza San Marco. Tumble. That's what she told the family back in New England. What would they say if they only knew? That Carnival di Venezia proved to scar her more than she planned. What would they say if they knew she was actually thwarting an enemy agent's nefarious plan for the breakfast buffet? What would they say if they knew that she sacrificed her world-class right hook with a shattered ulna so that tourists in t-shirts could safely eat fish? So that waiters could earn extra lira to go blow in a new karaoke bar that nite (singing without being on a gondola was refreshing). Her double life was secure in the fact that when she went down the stairs, toppling Mr. Nottienuff, the Negroni on her breathe would act as alibi and pain reliever. "The crazy American spinster was intoxicated when she tripped over her Manolos slamming that short businessman into the railing. " the bellhop mused.
Never, the family back home would never know.

She looked out the store front. His arrogance is a-typical she thought. The men in his family were headstrong and hellbent for a good time. Children may have slowed his brother and father down a bit, but this nephew hasn't been deterred by progeny yet. She remembered what made their relationship special, their appreciation of independence triumphing the stigma of loneliness. They were on their own, and flourishing around social conformity. Spinster and Spin Doctor? Maybe more like Spin and Martini from the the Mickey Mouse Club.

He was smoking a Marlboro light and wearing sunglasses in the early evening light. The light rain falling didn't bother him in the least. He would exhale small plumes in the fading amber hue with an occasional smoke ring aimed at some tourists. A pod of Japanese tourists were cornering him for directions. With a jaunty little jut of his jaw he inspected their maps and in his own personal blend of the Spanish and Italian languages, merrily sent them on their way. He felt his time in Florence had transformed him into a native. He had more of a strut than before, he laughed with a lion's roar which would scare flocks of pigeons and get them removed from early masses in town. What was she to do with him? Their time together made her want to confess the double life she had been leading. They had an amazing rapport and the laughs they'd shared had been some of the dearest in her life. But confessing at this stage would compromise global security and might even inspire him into some crazy action as well. She couldn't risk that. She had spearheaded the Orient Express operation just readying for implementation. The information stealing ring that had operated for years aboard the luxury railroad was going to be taken down, and hard by some of the toughest aunties in the business. Better to air on the side of caution and continue this lovely trip through Italy.

What to do with him? Probably feed him, as it had been hours since their lunch in the trattoria. The shellfish in the Mediterranean had made him crazy, that he almost ordered a second lunch. His zeal was inspiring and kept the old gal rolling. She completed her mission in the bookstore by delivering the disc to her Florentine operative. Next year she would engage in an operation so filled with action and adventure, JK Rowling will be inspired to add the scene to her next installment of "Harry Potter". For now she would need to keep him safe. She may even need to establish a new cover for him. She noted that the rain had stopped, and made her way out of the bookstore to place her arm in his.

"What's new, lover?"
"Playing with the tourists," he smirked. His breath was ripe with Altoids as he never wanted to offend her with his smoking. "Even in Europe I can't stop playing with the common folks heads. It gives me something to do I guess. Can you imagine if I actually taught kindergarten? I may as well open the Salvador Dali Dog Training Academy and Trattoria."
"I think you are amazing at all you do."
"Goosey, you never get tired of playing cheerleader, do you?"
"Never, ever, ever."

They walked across the Piazza, and rounded the Duomo. Catty cornered was a nice cafe, windows filled with pizza by the pound, pigs, sausages, cheeses and such. They sat and enjoyed their coffee watching the tourists push and shove their way in to the cathedral for photo op's and absolution.

Goosey tossed back her Sambuca. "What do you think all those people think when they look at us?"
"I really don't care what they think, Goose. I'm past living through other people's eyes. They can look all they want."
"No sweetie, what do you think they think when the see this old broad with this young, buck."
The nephew lit a cigarette, surveyed the crowd and let out a short smoke plume. "They probably are saying, 'That must be the Countess and the Pool boy,' ". He laughed heartily, scaring more pigeons.

She smiled and thought to herself, "Out of the mouths of babes". A cover, a conversational device and a con had been born. "The Countess and The Pool Boy, I think that might work." She noted the enemy agent making luscious cappuccino foam and decided that they would go dress for dinner at the hotel, all this work makes a girl hungry.

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Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Rabbit, rabbit. And of course the fool.

Catch this................................I have a tendency to speak before I think. I also have a tendency to release an object before it's placed on a surface; a depth perception condition, but it's not like I'm landing planes in a major airport I'm selling fish to tourists in t-shirts. So I awaken to invoke the magic of 'Rabbit, rabbit' and immediately announce, 'Monkey, monkey'. Can you imagine an April Fool's Joke any more grander than that? I'm dying to see what curse/blessing I've just brought down on my House of Silly.

Sicily Rising!! My fave Aunt Goosey and I will be launching the Rainbow Tour to the isle of our forefathers to see churches, mountains, cousins and pasta. "The Countess and The Pool Boy" Reunion Tour is looking for a slogan, catch phrase, any suggestions?

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Thursday, September 06, 2007

Tenor, twelve.

Growing up in an Italian household had many joys (and trials). Growing up Italian meant appreciating the little things like aunts that pinched your cheeks until they distended, cousins that you were forced to endure though they were not blood, strange smells/sounds, long holiday celebrations, pasta drying on a string across the living room on sundays. But one constant in the background that never waivered was the voice of Luciano Pavarotti. My grandfather was stalwart in his love for opera, a passion he passed to my father. The tenor's voice filled our house as the music of "choice" on the weekends when family time was mandated. It really made the time pleasant and shared a world we may not have seen had we been raised in more sane environments. Our experiences growing up have made us better adults and very tight as a family. I wouldn't trade much from my youth, I wouldn't trade those memories of sunday with the family and Pagliacci. With Pavarotti's passing a little piece of my childhood goes with him. Pavarotti performed with many varied artists, but this video sums up growing up in the eighties and nineties, to a t(for tenor and twelve)

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Sunday, January 28, 2007

The Devil may wear Prada, but the Monsignor wears Versace.

The buzz around Rome isn't about civil unions and the Vatican's stance against them, it's about the handsome secretary that Pope Benedict XVI has been sporting. Monsignor Georg Ganswein, or Don Giorgio (Gorgeous George) in the gay press, is the private Secretary to Pope Benedict XVI. He has been secretary to his holiness since the early 2000's. Born in Germany, the monsignor became ordained in the Roman Catholic Church and distinguished himself as a scholar of canon law. A former ski instructor, he displays all the charm and looks that a spiritual leader requires as an assistant on the international court. Memos are better recorded, prayers better reiterated and time better spent on our knees in the company of a fine looking secretary. The buzz about the town is that the pope and the monsignor are hiding the bishop. Wag the dogma, don't you think?

One has to admit though, Gorgeous George is one tremendous looking holy man. His old Hollywood good looks and style are shown off in his penchant for wearing black. Time off is usually spent playing tennis or flying his plane. Growing up I don't remember priests leading such an active off-hours schedule. Maybe they did a little gardening or played some golf, but flying a plane? What's next? Bunjie jumping? The monsignor's appeal has been so widespread that it's even been reported to be an influence on Donatella Versace's new line of "priest chic". Dude looks good.

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Thursday, December 21, 2006

"Hey, Sporto................"

Fabio Cannavaro has more than an exciting name, he has the Golden Ball Trophy. The trophy is awarded by France Football Magazine's annual poll. Fifty two journalists are polled and Cannavaro was voted first out of the nominated fifty players. The former captain of the World Cup Champion Italy Juventus now plays for Real Madrid. Cannavaro is especially proud to be the first defender in ten years to claim the title. His winning and the claiming of second place by former teammate Gianluigi Buffun is a great postcard from the amazing World Cup of this past year.

For those of you that missed the World Cup this spring, we hope that your isolation chamber was comfy and that the harsh light of winter is not too strenuous on your magnolia-white skin. Google the World Cup and Champion Italia for all the news. Also Google Headbuts for France for a real good "har dee har har". And for those of you that missed Mr Cannavaro and his former Juventus teammates photospread for Dolce and Gabbanna, look for yourselves on his assets. More of the D&G underwear campaign photos are here for you. Buona Natale.

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Friday, July 14, 2006

Pan, Pandemic, Pandering, Panties.

Pan is the Greek God of pastures, flocks and shepherds. he was commonly seen as having the legs of a goat and it's horns. The pagans embraced Pan's image in ceremonies. He was the perfect blend of man, nature and the divine. We all have a little Pan in us. If you doubt this, remember fawning over some crush, talk about primal feelings of nature. If you missed the pun/pan in that last sentence you need to check your pulse. It was funny on three levels. Count 'em.

Pandemics are widespread episodes usually attributed to disease. One might label the fervor behind World Cup Finals as pandemic, it spread over a large geographic area and affected a large amount of the population (coming soon; Affluenza, Affleck, Affected on this very topic) but with mostly positive aftereffects. Oh poor France, to lose by arrogance, a hard headedness. Quelle Justice. I love when something un-seismic shakes our town up. The World Cup Finals certainly did that. On all class levels, too.

Pandering is to provide gratification to one's desires. To cater to, to exploit other's weakness are other definition. Martha Stewart has perfected pandering. PS her subscriptions are up since last year's release from Bedford and revenue 40%. Someone needs to get on the ouiji board and tell Ken Lay. Now this is pandering twice over. PT Barnum turned out to be my perfect dead soulmate on an online quiz. He set the standard on Pandering and I think that we can all take a lesson in that; know your assets, your liabilities and what sells to who. The motto in a successful breakfast operation is to grab 'em by their eggs, and they'll beg you for juice. Inspirational? Well, yeah I guess I meant that too.

Panties are found as undergarments. They usually cover the lower trunk and have a closed crotch. If you have read all of this and sit back I think you'll get todays lesson. Grazi mile, Signore Gattuso. I love it when a pan comes together. (the humor, my ribs...........)

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Monday, July 10, 2006

VIVA ITALIA!!!!!!


SALUDADOS!!!!!!!!! I came across this fine piece of work Dolce & Gabbana scored. Manuele Blasi, Gennaro Gattuso, Andrea Pirlo, Gianluca Zambrotta, and Fabio Cannavaro from world champion Italy's football team.

Goooooooooaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Gracious Living, part four (th)




Certain traditions are more special than others to me. Open houses at the holidays, calling Mom on my birthday to say thanks, and especially the Fourth of July. Independence Day means more than renting a Will Smith film and frying chicken. We celebrate our freedom todo such things like this, blogging.Our independence is a great swelling of pride that makes people appreciate all things american; soccer, hotdogs and apple pie. Let's celebrate with fireworks and nice looking men. All in one.

The World Cup plays on and I can't hope that I get to see Italy level France enough. It would be right on so many levels. The whole world around is celebrating soccer and the americans are the last to arrive in the hysteria. We are bullish people who demand our language be spoken wherever we are, local systems of measurment translate into ours and that our sporting events be worshipped as if a temple. It would be ideal if our celebrity athletes treated their bodies in a similar manner, but I digress. Go Italia!!!!!!!!! Gooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!


It means watching the Nathan's sponsored Coney Island Hot Dog Eating contest and having hotdogs for dinner, cringing at each bite. The only thing worse than watching the actual event is reading the contestants prior victories and fortes. The crazy samoan who ate 35 burritos in a half and hour, the little asian girl who place second in the goldfish swallowing contest, the senior citizen who took too much exlax and blurred the line between sportsmanship and ...........depends. How in the name of Jenny Craig do people come to these competitions? Crazy is as crazy does, shirley/surley there are more entertaining things they can find to do with there time than risking renal failure. Maybe they can run through the fields of whatever backwater they hail from, singing selections from "The Sound Of Music" with a lightning rod in each hand. "Thee Hiiillls arrre a-liiiiive with thee soooound of Muuuussszzzzzzzzzzzzziiiiiiikkkkkkkkkkkkk". Cue sulphur smell.

Apple pie is part of the my most important traditions in the holiday. A long time ago in a cottage by the Sound, the heat rolled in and set oppresively on our sweat glands. My sister, her lover and I opted to spend the afternoon in front of the fridge, cleaning. The door was removed, the shelves too. It was purged, pummelled and pollished. Our dillegance belied our brains but the endproduct was so sweet. Independence from smell, scum and stains left by apple pies gone by.
Today, in Los Angeles, there is one more sparkling fridge. This fridge is free (to be admired) of scum and stain-free. It's contents rejuvinated and organized. Remember that traditions are our footprints in the sand that we leave so the following people can samba like they're at a Fred Astaire Dance Studio.

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