Apartment for sale.

This is up there with Turkey Hill for sale. I wonder if Martha ever unloaded that bad boy? But I digress, here's your latest money burning advice from the horse's ass.

Hey, got an extra 46 mil lying about?Can't decide on buying a little island all your own or maybe a race of people. Buy a piece of history and own 776 Park Avenue, the former residence of Brooke Astor. This charming flat includes six terraces, fourteen rooms with four for maids. I certainly wouldn't balk at a tour. I'm imagining cat pee.

I wonder if the son inheirited it? The stories were always kind to how their relationship was.

Forget Paris, We'll Always Have Washington.

Heiress Paris Hilton was escorted home yesterday in a media frenzy weeks shy of her original jail sentence. The heiress was serving time for REPEATEDLY violating her probation terms for her DUI convictions. The irony here is that without a publicist Paris has trouble completing any kind of sentence. She made it home to show off her latest piece of jewelry, an electronic ankle monitoring device, saddened that it doesn't come in Prada. See, it's the showiness of the new rich youth that endanger the good image of a true Diva like Madame or Cher. True Diva's take it on the chin and reciprocate in spades. It's called ownership; owning up for one's mistakes as well as victories. Unfortunately for Paris Judge Sauer of the LA County Courts was not to pleased by Sherriff Lee Baca's decision to release her early. The purpose of her stern sentence was to teach her humility and this will not be circumvented by Sherriff Baca. Back to jail went Paris this afternoon in new jewelry; handcuffs.

I don't want to start Gay Pride Weekend here in Los Angeles on such a dour note, Paris was our Grand Marshall for the Pride Parade two years ago. So all of us at Spatagram wish her well and hope she does as well as Martha on the re-bound. To start Gay Pride properly, lets all cheer about the Old School Outing of Isaiah Washington! ABC has decided to let the anger riddened homophobe to go in pursuit of other projects and not pick up his contract. Thank you ABC, it's good to see you listen as well as Judge Sauer on mob climate. Good weather to all and a TREMENDOUS PRIDE for all so blessed with this life.

Weinerrific.

Have you blushed? A little Pink's looks good on you. Go now, to La Brea Blvd., get a cream soda, a Martha Stewart Special and a side of bannana chili peppers. These hot dogs are so good you will happily stand in line no matter the time of day. Chili fries on the side, it's a splurge worth the extra trip to the gym. It doesn't get any more american than this; Baseball, Hot Dogs, Apple Pie and Chevrolet. As american as Tom Cruise. You too will become a slave to the weiner. Y se habla espanol, tambien.

The End Of Gracious Living.

When Martha Stewart decides to leave CT we must all take a moment to evaluate the relentless pursuit of perfection in our own lives. Martha inspired a generation, amassed an empire, fell from grace only to rise again. Inspirational indeed. This bull-ish determination, bordered with lovely hydraengas, sold a lofty ideal to us all; we can be better, and more so, better than our neighbors. We can garden, bake, sew, bill, and relax more aptly than the next guy and we've got the trophies to prove it. On our refinished knotty pine walls of the new family room (formerly mudroom) we have the heads of the Joneses that have come and gone in our competitive lifestyling. "Oh, and that one over there is replication of John the Baptist, reproduced in cream cheese and enamel for our Salome Dance-off fundraiser for the kids' school." Competition breeds excellence and Martha lit the match, a long, recycled, birch, hand-made match near a restored fireplace in Westport, CT. A house called Turkey Hill on 4.3 acres available to you all for the asking price of $8,995,00.00. Race ya?