Friday, April 25, 2008

Star Jones files for divorce.

Shockingly to all of us. The fairy-tale romance of the century has ended. Those pesky rumors about Al's preference for the prime rib over the salmon may have had something to do with the ending of the union. (There's a Duran Duran song in there somewhere)

Star was quoted as saying;

"Several years ago I made an error in judgment by inviting the media into the most intimate area of my life. A month ago I filed for divorce. The dissolution of a marriage is a difficult time in anyone's life that requires privacy with one's thoughts. I have committed myself to handling this situation with dignity and grace and look forward to emerging from this period as a stronger and wiser woman."

Al was heard saying;

What street is the Abbey on?

But that's just heresay/heresy

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Thursday, April 24, 2008

Ladies and Gentlemen; Frannell

If I get one more fruitbasket delivered in honor of my guest blogger I will go smoothie crazy. You heard me. Blender bender.

She was amazing and a treat to keep up my tome during the Countess and my sojourn to the homeland. Fran, you are literary viagra. The trip was amazing and pix will be available shortly. If you've never been to Sicily, thanks. We want to keep it that way. It's unspoiled and beautiful. Largely in part to the mafia.

I'm back and let the games begin.

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Thursday, April 17, 2008

Crazy Polygamists



Ok.  Look.  I am not going to sit here and pass judgement on the people of the YFZ sect of the Mormons for their inter-marrying.  I am not going to say they should or should not get their children back.  This is a country where you can practice the religion of your choice.  While I have a problem with a 14 year old girl being forced to marry a 50 year old man, just because no girl that young should have to deal with balls that are that old, I do have empathy for brainwashed people.  These women are like Stepford wives.  They are glassy eyed and monotone.  It is terribly sad.
But seriously...why is it a requirement of their religion to dress like they live in the primary colored Little House on the Prairie and have that crazy Flock of Seagulls french braid thing????
I don't get it.  
All I am saying is that the amount of Aquanet it takes to make all that hair stand up and curve/fall perfectly into a solid feathered block is something I haven't seen since my friend Steven made his mohawk stand up in the late 80s
I went to various different FLDS sites in order to search out a full reason for the terrible clothes and hair and there is no reason.  So why must they?  If one of those ladies said, "Screw this, I am going to Bumble and Bumble and getting me a cool shag" would she be kicked out?
Just once I would like to see a cult make better choices in uniform.  

Call me shallow, but you know you all agree with me.

-GirlFran-

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Please Please, No Applause, Just Money.



Thanks for that awesome intro Tony.  Ahhhhh Blogger. We meet again.  I haven't seen you since I gave you the finger and went to Wordpress.  I see you haven't changed much.  Still irritating and difficult to use.  For me anyway.  I have been trying to upload pictures and it is still a huge pain in the ashtabula.
Yawn
Who cares, right?
Most of you have no idea who I am, and that's cool.  Spats and I go way back to the way back.  Back when God was boy and Tony still wore acid washed jeans, and I wore denim shorts with black tights. (hmmm...I wonder if I could bring those back?) I love him to death and when he asked me to guest blog I didn't even hesitate.  Course that was the day before I found out my most awesome cat is going to die from liver cancer and I am out in the middle of bumf***k Michigan and have no way of ever seeing him again.  I didn't even write my own blog this week.  I just put up a note that said pretty much what I just said.
But Tony is Tony
and I promised him.  
Besides, Mr Man (my cat) would want me to keep my word to my friends, rieeeght???

No, you're right.  Mr Man doesn't give a crap, BUT I do so here we go.

I am going to let loose a little because none of you know me and I can.  Oh I feel so free!!!  Most of the time I have to sensor myself because of working in "The Biz".  If I say Kate is a huge biatch, that could come back to haunt me.  Recently, I had written something very nice about a replacement who did a great job going on as one of the characters because one of the regular actors was very sick, and some jackass manipulated it to really trash the sick actor and posted it on BroadwayWorld.com.   So that sucked and now my blog isn't public anymore.
Amazing, dontcha think?  For the two seconds that nimrod felt like Ryan Seacrest (Seacrest Out!) they ruined a really awesome blog.  People.

There are tons of stories I could tell of the olden days with Spats, but I am not sure which ones are allowed to be public yet and which ones I have to save for my memoirs when I am wicked old, so I can't really talk about that. I was going to post some HORRIFYING pictures of Tony but then I realized they were also horrifying pictures of me too, so that's no good.
So What's a girl to do?


Tony sent me this picture the other day and I thought I would share it.  What is that gorgeous woman doing with that SPAWN!!!  No doubt they are tearing it up and having a ball in Italia while I sit here in....in...where the hell am I anyway.  Oh right.  Michigan. woo woo.

I would write more but I have to go put my hand up the puppets' asses.

-GirlFran-

Monday, April 14, 2008

Palermo, it rules.

Not to steal Girlfran's thunder, but someone call my parents and tell them that we're not coming home. xoxoxoxox

Friday, April 11, 2008

Postscript

GirlFran will tell you that blogspot bites sometimes, if the HTML gets screwy please click on the title ofthe post, or toggle the elevator tool to shake the snowglobe that appears to be my blogs. This will help you read our genius. Sheesh.

Ciao! Blogsitter!

As elluded to over the past two weeks Auntie Goosey and I have decided (against popular opinion and
mundane restraining orders) to re-embark on international goodwill spreading. We did a similar trip
in 1999, and labelled it "The Countess and The Pool Boy" Tour. We came home with great memories,
expensive leather goods, and double pneumonia. After joint hospitalization and recovery we made a
secret pact that we would do this again. The time has come. Sicily, Beware!
We are much more responsible now, and commitments must be met. Lucy has yet another toy poodle
and similarly I have my two blogs. She's kenneled her anchor, and I have Frannelled mine.
'Frannelled' you may ask? This is my guest blogger for as long as she wishes. She may even have to
write the obituary (God Forbid) for humor's sake. Fran and I met in Newport, RI and fell madly in
love, alright, we fell madly in a stupor of our own creation. Her talents are legendary and her ability
to sniff out cool scenes and fab people, even greater. She'll tell you all in her own blog, if you wish,
ask her for invite. There's always room. She may share grand stories from back in the day and may
relay reports from the reunion tour of The Countess and The Pool Boy. Mind you this is in between
cities and sticking her hand up a puppet's ass. Fran's currently a puppet wrangler on the National
Tour of 'Avenue Q". Without further ado, I present
Frannellannellannellannellannellannellannellannellannellannellannell
.

"Vittorio, is that the Countess and the Pool Boy?"


Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Another Countess and Pool Boy

The Countess and The Pool Boy.

She was worried, she knew that he would be crazy and might inspire her to actions. She placed her plastic rain-bonnet into it's well worn, felt case. She would need to preserve her hair-do for at least four more days, until Venice. As she scanned the bookstore, she smelled the leather, wood and dust mixture. She scanned for her contact and moved through the store in cautious strides.

Aahhhh Venice, she mused. Her last trip there had been when she took that 'tumble' down the grand stairs of the Hotel di Venezia, near Piazza San Marco. Tumble. That's what she told the family back in New England. What would they say if they only knew? That Carnival di Venezia proved to scar her more than she planned. What would they say if they knew she was actually thwarting an enemy agent's nefarious plan for the breakfast buffet? What would they say if they knew that she sacrificed her world-class right hook with a shattered ulna so that tourists in t-shirts could safely eat fish? So that waiters could earn extra lira to go blow in a new karaoke bar that nite (singing without being on a gondola was refreshing). Her double life was secure in the fact that when she went down the stairs, toppling Mr. Nottienuff, the Negroni on her breathe would act as alibi and pain reliever. "The crazy American spinster was intoxicated when she tripped over her Manolos slamming that short businessman into the railing. " the bellhop mused.
Never, the family back home would never know.

She looked out the store front. His arrogance is a-typical she thought. The men in his family were headstrong and hellbent for a good time. Children may have slowed his brother and father down a bit, but this nephew hasn't been deterred by progeny yet. She remembered what made their relationship special, their appreciation of independence triumphing the stigma of loneliness. They were on their own, and flourishing around social conformity. Spinster and Spin Doctor? Maybe more like Spin and Martini from the the Mickey Mouse Club.

He was smoking a Marlboro light and wearing sunglasses in the early evening light. The light rain falling didn't bother him in the least. He would exhale small plumes in the fading amber hue with an occasional smoke ring aimed at some tourists. A pod of Japanese tourists were cornering him for directions. With a jaunty little jut of his jaw he inspected their maps and in his own personal blend of the Spanish and Italian languages, merrily sent them on their way. He felt his time in Florence had transformed him into a native. He had more of a strut than before, he laughed with a lion's roar which would scare flocks of pigeons and get them removed from early masses in town. What was she to do with him? Their time together made her want to confess the double life she had been leading. They had an amazing rapport and the laughs they'd shared had been some of the dearest in her life. But confessing at this stage would compromise global security and might even inspire him into some crazy action as well. She couldn't risk that. She had spearheaded the Orient Express operation just readying for implementation. The information stealing ring that had operated for years aboard the luxury railroad was going to be taken down, and hard by some of the toughest aunties in the business. Better to air on the side of caution and continue this lovely trip through Italy.

What to do with him? Probably feed him, as it had been hours since their lunch in the trattoria. The shellfish in the Mediterranean had made him crazy, that he almost ordered a second lunch. His zeal was inspiring and kept the old gal rolling. She completed her mission in the bookstore by delivering the disc to her Florentine operative. Next year she would engage in an operation so filled with action and adventure, JK Rowling will be inspired to add the scene to her next installment of "Harry Potter". For now she would need to keep him safe. She may even need to establish a new cover for him. She noted that the rain had stopped, and made her way out of the bookstore to place her arm in his.

"What's new, lover?"
"Playing with the tourists," he smirked. His breath was ripe with Altoids as he never wanted to offend her with his smoking. "Even in Europe I can't stop playing with the common folks heads. It gives me something to do I guess. Can you imagine if I actually taught kindergarten? I may as well open the Salvador Dali Dog Training Academy and Trattoria."
"I think you are amazing at all you do."
"Goosey, you never get tired of playing cheerleader, do you?"
"Never, ever, ever."

They walked across the Piazza, and rounded the Duomo. Catty cornered was a nice cafe, windows filled with pizza by the pound, pigs, sausages, cheeses and such. They sat and enjoyed their coffee watching the tourists push and shove their way in to the cathedral for photo op's and absolution.

Goosey tossed back her Sambuca. "What do you think all those people think when they look at us?"
"I really don't care what they think, Goose. I'm past living through other people's eyes. They can look all they want."
"No sweetie, what do you think they think when the see this old broad with this young, buck."
The nephew lit a cigarette, surveyed the crowd and let out a short smoke plume. "They probably are saying, 'That must be the Countess and the Pool boy,' ". He laughed heartily, scaring more pigeons.

She smiled and thought to herself, "Out of the mouths of babes". A cover, a conversational device and a con had been born. "The Countess and The Pool Boy, I think that might work." She noted the enemy agent making luscious cappuccino foam and decided that they would go dress for dinner at the hotel, all this work makes a girl hungry.

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Wednesday, April 02, 2008

One Brave Chick.

One Brave Chick Launches Today!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not biased or anything. My objectivity is legendary. I think with the juris prudence of Supreme Court justice. You can count on my honest and earnest opinion in any circumstance. So in that voice I say that my Sista Sal cannot do any wrong in my eyes. It's a simple fact that people who want to be near me need to accept and encourage. Without prejudice I'm here to introduce you to the launch of her new company, new venture and new life;







I'm a sarcastic, sardonic, social individual who can't help but to tip his hat to other individuals that prove themselves extraordinary. In a country where everyone voice matters, the individuals can some time get lost in a crowd. Shame about the herds, the mentality can be stifling and the abuse suffered can trample bright spirits. When one person is able to put up there head and say, "Is that all you got, I'm still here..." and stand the ground under their feet I applaud them. It inspires me. It chills me. It gets me back out there.


One Brave Chick was hatched in September of 2007 and launched their website today. Check them out and meet five amazing women and their stories. Their network is genius and compassion mixed well, and a shot in the arm to those in need. The OBC mantra: Be Real, Be Brave, Be YOU! Says volumes.


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Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Rabbit, rabbit. And of course the fool.

Catch this................................I have a tendency to speak before I think. I also have a tendency to release an object before it's placed on a surface; a depth perception condition, but it's not like I'm landing planes in a major airport I'm selling fish to tourists in t-shirts. So I awaken to invoke the magic of 'Rabbit, rabbit' and immediately announce, 'Monkey, monkey'. Can you imagine an April Fool's Joke any more grander than that? I'm dying to see what curse/blessing I've just brought down on my House of Silly.

Sicily Rising!! My fave Aunt Goosey and I will be launching the Rainbow Tour to the isle of our forefathers to see churches, mountains, cousins and pasta. "The Countess and The Pool Boy" Reunion Tour is looking for a slogan, catch phrase, any suggestions?

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