I'm looking, Clover. Part 5.

Horrors upon horrors. I was teased with new growth only to be denied joy. As I carefully administered an inse (inse is less than a scotche) to the pot, the sprout washed away from the torrent like a palm tree in a tsunami. My merry little tune that I hummed as I was watering quickly became a keening death-cry of old. My baby, my baby!!! Even now, the proud bough of the final frond collapses under it's weight. My shamrock will be dead by St. Patty's Day, what's the irony in that?

Necklace, Feckless, Equus.

Award season is like christmas gone splat. By this I mean that all of the ornamentation that we do to our house and boughs, all in the pursuit of getting
"wows", pales in comparison to the Hollywood's right now. The Golden Globes, The
SAG Awards, The Grammys, The Oscars the list goes on! Like magpies we're drawn
to our television sets to look at the shiney pretty things that our favorite
celebrities will be sporting.

"Oooooh look, pretty lights." -Michael Wallot, I'm Selling Out!! The Stand-Up Musical Comedy

The pagentry distracts us. The Harry Winston's make us forget the traffic on the way home. The Chopard's make us overlook the not-done dishes. We can tune in, turn on, and tune out. The bliss that we get during the holiday season letting the lights hypnotize us last a little bit longer with award season.

"Some of us may be in the gutter, but our eyes are permanently fixed on the stars." -Oscar Wilde

Remember the entire Sharon Stone debacle from 1994? When she thought that Harry Winston's $500,000 was a gift? Harry sued her, she sued Harry, the necklace was returned. We watched, completely bedazzled. The real irony to me is that in the middle ages townspeople would hang all creative types by their necks if they displeased the court. By creative types I mean the eccentrics, the travelling performers, the charlatans, the witches. Centuries later we still offer the audiences our necks, only this time ordained in pretty pretty necklaces. Pictured here is classic Chopard and Madonna's new line for Chopard.

Feckless is an under-used adjective. It means to be lacking of purpose or vitality; feeble or ineffective. It can also mean to be careless and irresponsible. In the second definiton feckless is like reckless and what makes that nice is that it rhymes too. "The actresss on the red carpet, seem feckless in the necklace and her cleavage was reckless".

Little Daniel Radcliffe is currently starring in a West End production of Equus. The play is a complicated story involving an adolescent boy and his passion for horses. The role is extremely demanding in it's needs and involves nudity. Many fans of the Harry Potter movies are up in arms over the actor they love to be doing something so risque. They find this choice of roles somewhat feckless, as the youth of this country look up to him. This is what actors need to do; they need to challenge themselves to stretch their skills. Hopefully the concerned audience will learn a further lesson from the talented young man; playing it 'safe' all the time leads to a very boring existance. Taking risks are important in teaching you about you. I guess the fans of Hogwarts will need to be reminded that there's more to the man than just one role. They'll need to be reminded that even Hermione looks him up and down. He's growing up before our eyes. You can't stop that. You can be distracted by it though.

The Devil may wear Prada, but the Monsignor wears Versace.

The buzz around Rome isn't about civil unions and the Vatican's stance against them, it's about the handsome secretary that Pope Benedict XVI has been sporting. Monsignor Georg Ganswein, or Don Giorgio (Gorgeous George) in the gay press, is the private Secretary to Pope Benedict XVI. He has been secretary to his holiness since the early 2000's. Born in Germany, the monsignor became ordained in the Roman Catholic Church and distinguished himself as a scholar of canon law. A former ski instructor, he displays all the charm and looks that a spiritual leader requires as an assistant on the international court. Memos are better recorded, prayers better reiterated and time better spent on our knees in the company of a fine looking secretary. The buzz about the town is that the pope and the monsignor are hiding the bishop. Wag the dogma, don't you think?

One has to admit though, Gorgeous George is one tremendous looking holy man. His old Hollywood good looks and style are shown off in his penchant for wearing black. Time off is usually spent playing tennis or flying his plane. Growing up I don't remember priests leading such an active off-hours schedule. Maybe they did a little gardening or played some golf, but flying a plane? What's next? Bunjie jumping? The monsignor's appeal has been so widespread that it's even been reported to be an influence on Donatella Versace's new line of "priest chic". Dude looks good.

Clap your hands if you believe in fairies.

There is a pot of gold at the end of some rainbows. As I lay lamenting my poor nearly muerte shamrock Fate sends in a clown. Two new sprouts have popped up through my careful watering, witty conversation and unrestricted sunlight. I've also been a little easy on my limiting their television and music time. Spare the rod, I know but my effort are being rewarded with the promise of new life. As you look at the photo you'll see the stem jutting towards the right and to the left of the center of the frame a small green hoop coming up from the soil. Talk about stem cell research at the grassroots level. Funny on two levels.

Grills Gone Wild!

Dear Kacy always has the best stuff around. Her network of spies and informants keeps her in the loop of the gnarliest stuff on the web. She finds jokes, slur, cartoons and the most marvelous photos around. Her latest; a tribute to a night gone blurry.

Imagine, you awake one morning feeling suprisingly guilty. The amount of fun you had the night before may have outweighed the caution you demonstrated. You look in your bed, and you're alone. Your valuables are all intact, as is your apartment. The end of the night is a little fuzzy and fortunately for you, you are still too. You reconcile yourself to the fact that the details may never be revealed to you of what transpired the night before. You ready yourself to face the day and reassemble yourself to take on the world. That is, until you get a postcard from last night....................

I'm looking, Clover. Pt. 4.

The green is slowly leaving the leaves. It's just a matter of time now. I can even see that the stem is getting tired holding up the clover towards the sun. It's starting to slump and bend. This plant is tired. My poor baby.

Peddling Crazy.

"And all I can say is........get her." -Patrick Stewart as Sterling in Jeffrey.

The folks at Youtube Google have been nice enough to host this hillbillyjean and his band. They have a new single out from their forthcoming cd and the link to their video follows. The single is titled "The Bible Says" and the artist is a self-loathing bear in a bad shirt. Imagine The Country Bear Jamboree meets The Boys In The Band. This man found God while on his knees, and forgot any other lesson he learned on them. Or at least he says that for now until some meth-dealing prostitute unmasks his hypocristianity.

mate not hate.

Cleansed. Re-Toxin.

I'm looking, Clover, pt. 3.

In an afternoon repose, our shamrock enjoys it's last days on earth. And in it to boot. Thanks for all the sympathetic calls and late-hour remedies. It don't look good for Clover, so do me a favor. When you get home to night and you look at that ignored houseplant on the corner of the bookshelf, take the time to pull it down and hug it. You don't know what that means to a ficus.

Spare the rod, spoil the child; or Doc calls the kettle faggot (again).

"No, I did not call T.R. a faggot. Never happened, never happened." -Isaiah
Washington, January 15th, Golden Globes.

Hate is harbored happily at ABC. Come one come all and apply for jobs. Continue to win them awards and they'll overlook your slurs, slurrs, and curses.

Rumor is that they're casting for Surly Minorities a one-hour dramedy in the vein of Desperate Housewives. Half of the show will be scripted where all walks of life are made fun of and life lessons are doled out on doilies. The second half of the show will be a reality show shot backstage where the actors stop being nice and start getting real. The scripted show takes place on Saddleburr Circle in Fairplay, DE. The reality show takes place on the backlot of the studio and is sure to spill over to award ceremonies. The breakdown is for a lesbian utility worker, a wise cracking kid in a wheelchair, a one-eyed parrot wielding pirate, an acrobatic asian family of six, Hans the white supremacist Ice Cream Shoppe owner, methmaking conjoined twins, and a blind blonde painter named "Justice".

photo: greysanatomyinsider.com

I'm looking, Clover. part 2.

My shamrock is still alive. Here it is stretching towards the sun, which we all are doing as it has been so blasted cold here. The leaves still have a lot of chlorophyll, I hope they have so much so that they have plenty of little sprouts coming up from below. Think happy sprouts for me.

M.L.K. Remembered.

Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted.
Martin Luther King Jr.

I'm looking, Clover.

Five years ago I bought this silly little clover from the grocery store in the neighborhood. It was in a cheezy little plastic cup for St. Patrick's Day, unlike most of south Boston on that holiday(in it's cup). We laughed together, we grew together, until lately. Clovers stretch towards the light and open their fan-like leaves in that direction. At night they fold their leaves down like patio-umberellas, holding vigil til morning. Back in CT when I lived in a little cottage by the shore I grew many things. Vegetables, herbs, perennials, annuals, complacent, houseplants and a very special purple clover. When I moved to LA I knew it wouldn't survive the trip, and I left my obvious favorite in the loving care of Sista Sal. I adopted a new clover in that memory. And now it dies.

We are on Cloverdeathwatch. There were twenty-odd stems, then ten, then five, then three and now one. The plant is tended with mineral rich water, optimum heat and light, conversation and pleasant music. These may be it's last moments in LA but they will be optimistic. I'm bitter as I hate to see plants die. It's a failure of sorts and I have a real problem with failure. Be with me as we watch new growth save the day, or the cold hand of nature smite my baby.

Words that make you go "MMM-mmm".

If we eat with our eyes then I believe that we hear with our mouths. We can tempt our senses from multiple orifices with cross stimulation. Please remember that cross stimulation doesn't always have to occur on sunday mornings. Aurally is usually how spoken words deliver their effect, but certain words aloud can make the speaker tingle.

Today we embrace the Anomanapia. I find that these words really stand out as fun to say and most reminicent of the word's meaning:

euphoria
callipyginous
transcendental
fracture
lavender
handle
spumoni
errogenous
bucolic
coarse
chic
sable
sulphur
roundabout
tiramisu
stopgap

Enjoy one, enjoy all. Say them loud, say them in a crowd. You'll find that a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the wits.

Photo credit: National Geographic (seriously)

Finally. Some culture in L.A.

When his contract ends at the end of the summer, David Beckham will come to Los Angeles to play for L.A. Galaxy. He hopes to raise the profile of the sport in the United States. As the sport's profile is raised so is Beck's financials, he'll be making 250 million dollars over the next five years. Who cares, show him the money and raise the aesthetics of metrosexual back to where they should be. Someone get on the horn and see if he'll Grand Marshall Gay Pride's Parade in WeHo in June of '08.

Here we go again.....

Goings add on.

Some of my favorite role models are the sitcom moms of the seventies and eighties. The sixties moms were brought to me in re-runs and also as special. Claire Huxtable, Marion Cunningham, Carol Brady, Alice, and Lily Munster. There was always pleasantry in the lessons they served. It's a shame those days went so fast. Time marches on I guess. Death has claimed Lily Munster, Yvonne De Carlo, at the wonderful age of 84. She brought death on a doily to us. What's supernatural can be just as natural in life. She let us know the afterlife could be the life of the party and I hope she's the belle of the ball right now. Lillies all around.

Cumming's and Goings.

As many know I have a love for comics, comicbooks, books, raviolis and raves. I've matured to the point where I no longer feel the need to combine all five at the same time. I attribute many of my traits to the fine influences of my vices; my rapier wit, my noxious gas, my stunning physique and my sense of style. All of these grand attributes are derived from the fun aforementioned. At one time or another I have been moved to tears by one of these great five vices. I know that I'm not alone in this experience.

Alan Cumming, talented actor and bon vivant, has joined with his partner Grant Shaffer in a civil partnership ceremony in the UK. The UK legalized same-sex unions last year. Cumming was quoted as saying that the happy couple would have tied the knot in the United States were it legal. "It's a shame really. Gays really know how to throw a party." Among his many roles Cumming won a Tony award for the role of the Emcee in "Cabaret, portrayed Mack the Knife on Broadway in "The Three Penny Opera", Warren Frame in the movie "Josie & The Pussycats, and the merry mutant Nightcrawler in Bryan Singer's "XMen 2". Bryan Singer's movie shouldn't be confused with that really bad one by Bret Ratner who's third installment of the XMen trilogy isn't fit to line a kennel with. We wish the happy couple many years of joy and a better success rate than our heterosexuals' marriage.

We want to send our condolences to Paty Cockrum and family for the loss of Dave Cockrum who passed away in November after a long illness. Dave was the man who created Nightcrawler, Storm, Colossus and countless other comicbook characters that have become household familiar. An amazing artist, Dave and writer Len Wein took on the XMen title at Marvel Comics and brought it new life. The title was created in the early sixties about a group of mutants that society outcast, educating themselves in an academy in rural New York. Cockrum and Wein brought the title out of the dark in 1975 and unleashed a phenomena for the comic industry as well as the XMen title. Their underlying themes of tollerance and acceptance speak volumes, and their contemporary take on a multinational "family" cemented the XMen as a cornerstone in Marvel's soon-to-be empire. Dave never received royalties on his characters but took great pride in seeing them on the moviescreen. Dave was a true fan, he died in his favorite chair, in his superman pajamas, with his batman blanket. He was to be cremated in his greenlantern shirt, He gave us his children of the atom, and won't be forgotten.

Also to be missed are Iwao Takamoto and Joe Barbera. Iwao Takamoto was the creator of our most loved Scooby Doo. Takamoto started his career with Disney and worked on such classics as "Lady and the Tramp" and "Bambi". Takamoto actually got his interest in animation when he and his family were interred in the American detainment camp for Japanese immigrants at. He learned from the older artists and cut his teeth with Disney. Mr Takamoto went to work for Hanna-Barbera studios in 1957. He worked on such classics as "Josie & the Pussycats", "The Harlem Globetrotters" and of course, "Scooby-Doo, Where Are You?". Scooby was based on a great dane's physical qualities, with a coward's brain and an adventurer's heart. Mr Takamoto was 81.

Joe Barbera and William Hanna met at MGM in the late 30's and worked on a project called "Puss Gets The Boot". This evolved into a 17 year collaboration on the "Tom and Jerry" cartoons, winning the studio 7 academy awards and countless nominations. They left MGM to form Hanna-Barbera Studios in 1953. From here they corrupted the minds of many an impressionable youngster. Their honest characters, top notch animation and impeccable comedic timing formed a cult of personality on a very willing audience. Their animation no longer sat on moviescreens or saturday morning television but took over primetime viewer slots. We can't thank them enough for "The Superfriends", "Huckleberry Hound and Friends", "The Jetsons", "The Flintstones", "Scooby-Doo", and "Yogi Bear". Mr Barbera was 95.

Beaufort Scale, beaumonde, boll weevil, evil, chervil.

The wind is howling today in LA. The trees are contorting and doing things that make an observer believe there is yoga in heaven. The wind is active maybe because it has no home. Since the Democrats took back the House and installed it's first Female Speaker Of The House, the wind is looking for a new dwelling. If you were to measure the strength of the wind you might use the The Beaufort Scale which rates from 0-12 the force of the wind. O being calm and 12 being a devestating hurricane. Today in LA I'd say we were at a 7, a moderate gale.

Beaumonde refers to the world of high society and fashion. "Many of the Beaumonde find themselves lost, when parallel parking themselves on Rodeo Drive. " They too have a strong degree of wind blowing that effects society. I have a jar of beaumonde seasoning at the back of my spice cabinet that I'm not too sure what to do with. I may take it to Beverly Hills and release it into the air so that it may be free among fashion and high society. And if it gets stuck in the coiffed, buffed, plucked, f*cked, tanned, and Canne'd hoi poloi with their toy parallel parking, so much the better. The wind is howling today in LA.

The moderate gale blows actively through the Valley. If the tree surgeons hadn't made their housecall this week, all that dead stuff in the courtyard would have been schrapnel. The wind is howling I tell you. All the boll weevils on the undersides of the rhodies are clinging for parasitic life. Like annorexic Malibumoms clinging to a Range Rover, these nasty little vipers will devour a plant by it's boll or it's leaves. They especially like cotton. Weevil's warble (in the wind) but they don't slow down.

It would be evil to pelt the wealthy with dried seasonings or weevils. Maybe we shouldn't hold doors for people when it's this windy and just let them snap back at the people behind us. That's evil.

Chervil is another seasoning I'm not sure what to do with. But I'm sure an idea will come soon. I'll listen to the wind for a while.

Indiana Jones and The Fountain of Youth.

Dateline: HOllYWOOD,
Subject: Script approval (finally) for the fourth installment of the Indiana Jones Franchise.
Release Date: 2008

This just in. By the power of the green, the blue, the red and the white we have been granted a new chapter in archaeology and testosterone. The next Indiana Jones Movie has been given the greenlight by the colors that be: the green-the almighty dollar, the blue-the viagra Callista dreads, the red-where the studio doesnt want to be, and the white-men in a boardroom. Think of this as a DaVinci code of sorts, another aged moviestar follows signs back to the trough of cultural appreciation, under the guise of a god complex.

Harrison Ford has been eligible for social security for the last two years. He has cars older than his lifemate. He's going to play the adventurer that amazed us all in our youth. In his. He's introduced us to his character's father, Sean Connery. If they bring that character back for a cameo in the film, this movie could end up looking like a modern day cocoon. My fertile imagination got ahead of me and I started to dream this movie up. World Wide Release on Memorial Day, just in case. Product tie-ins with Burger King and Metamucil. A gigantic resurgance of whip sales and a corresponding resurgance of whip related injuries in adult residence communities. Fedoras and bomber jackets long since forgotten in attics will be dug out again.

Fade In: the basement of a Waffle House in Daytona, FL.

Indy has found himself defending a group of mentally challenged bussers
from some ravenous realtors who want to convert the restaurant into a stripmall
replete with a Baja Fresh. While fending them off he finds that the building is
built on Ponce de Leon Blvd and the freezer that normally houses waffle batter,
is a gateway to the actual fountain of youth. Indy's gal pal reveals her true nature by trampling over little drooling Hannah to get into the freezer and claim the prize.................................. .

The casting is pretty straightforward for the gal pal, judging from this vehicle, another spotlight craving whore.

(yeah, it's gonna go like this, this year)

Rabbit, rabbit.

First of the year. I think I awoke to use the bathroom, mostly with the neurosis of saying the first chanting of Rabbit, rabbit. I really could use some fantastic luck in the upcoming year. I remembered to say it and use the bathroom, IN the proper order.

In setting yourself up for success remember the little things, like superstition. Ignoring details like this will only build up like gunk in your cosmic entrails and stifle your existence. Also, the removing of said gunk is costly and difficult. On the first day of the month, we say our phrase as the first words out of our mouth as a totem for luck. This prepares the coming days with the energy necessary to make it great. It's making the cosmic "ice" for the karmic "cocktail party" if you will.

I resolve to further evolve as a person. I will be near-sighted, ambidextrous, and witty. I will seek health, wealth, wisdom, and the yoda master. I will play only as hard as I work. I will shop and drop. I will call, stall, and quit the Pal-Mal's. My weight will no longer yo-yo and I will learn the "walk the dog". I will pause and refrain, pause and reflect, genuflect and do the train. I will read more. I will understand even more. I will be ontime with birthdaysalutations this year. I will correct society on homophobia and bad taste. I will style and smile. I will pray, and say my Rabbit, rabbits, almost religiously. I will great health to my family and friends, in white light, to keep them through the year.