Larry Craig's a doll.

Literally. I want everyone to know that my amazon.com wish list is up to date and that this posting is not trolling for gifts. But after finding the Michael Vick chew toy for doggies this just seemed to fit.



The nice people at Stupid.com have started selling the Larry Craig Action Figure. It's a little tall for an action figure at 34.99 but it has some dazzling features. Not counting the "I am not gay" t-shirt, the figure has bendable wrists and joints. These joints allow the Senatroll's adaptation to the "Wide Stance" (which incidentally has been accepted to the venacular as a defensive comment to defend one's sexuality) action pose. The most amazing part of the doll is when you push his button he actually says, "I will read a short statement. I am not gay. I have never been gay."

Still Crazy.

Maybe it's the ash in the air, or the permanent smell of barbecue, but people are suprisingly odd today even for angelenos. While the shopping buzz continues, people make their way in and out of stores as if in a strange fog. And this is even in the Valley, removed from the acutal destruction in Malibu. I guess everyone's feeling the pain for people losing their houses and their homes. Senses are more acute this time of year with holidays that value family and time together. It's really strange as less people cut you off on the freeways and there is patience at the intersections. People even said, "Excuse me" in the market today. Crazy.

I love the market. It's where I really relax. The temperature is nice, you can occasionally take in a misting over the cabbages. In august, nothing is better in the San Fernando Valley, than stepping into the Haagen Daaz display at your local Ralph's. It's also my favorite place to spot Crazys and stalk them. It's all about what you can bring to your character in acting and I do alot of advance shopping with the other sociopaths at the grocery store. People are pretty vulnerable then, easily distracted and prone to suggestion. You can tell alot about people the way the manuver their cart or squeeze the Charmin. Incidentally, veteran commercial actor Dick Wilson passed away last monday at 91. He earned his place in americana as the hyper, and antsy grocer begging people not to squeeze the toilet paper, a role he played for 21 years. His other roles included spots on "McHale's Navy" and "Bewitched". Crazy.





And crazy is as crazy does. J sent me this delightful little pix of my heroines, Sarah Jessica Parker and Madame. I love these puppets for their fashion and humor. I hear they are both back to work, one on tour and one onset. Can't keep an old gal down I guess (without ductape)

Crazy.

I'm really not sure what's crazy. Sometimes I live in reality and accessorize with crazy, but other times I feel that it's vice versa. Or if you are a Bear, vice ursa (more to come on bearchic). Malibu, the town that I work in, the town that I cut my SoCal teeth in, is burning for the second time in a month. Wildfire season is upon us here in Los Angeles and it's awkward learning these seasons. You have Mudslide Season, Summer Season, Dry Season and that's it. Three periods of adjustment of nice warm weather. Currently in Dry Season, we are subject to wildfires and crazy Santa Ana Winds. If you don't know by now, Santa Ana Winds are warm blast that come from the north and make people crazy. They are hot, dry natural phenoms that do more than fly a kite. They are like a grave opening. They are natural, but just enough unusual in their feel to make you thing they're supernatural. I digress. The winds came.
Something started the fires. Malibu burned and at last count, 35 homes were gone. This changes the restaurant business amazingly. No one will come to eat in a town that's on fire. Seeing as I had a great week, and many of my colleagues needed to work, I bowed out of the shift tonite. I sat at the bar, ate crab legs, and drank Krug. The only thing missing was Nero's fiddle. I can't believe the depravity, but I sure do laugh at the crazy. Wait. I do hear a fiddle. And it's a full moon. What sucks is that it takes a fire to make a great sunset. Maybe Nero was just misheard.

2007 Latin Grammy Awards.

Chocolate and peanut butter? Pasta and red wine? Hugs and kisses? Kisses and tongues. What two things go together nicely? I'm kind of partial to Ricky Martin and The Blue Man Group. Here's their performance of 'Lola' and 'La Bomba' at the recent awards show.

I could be doing so many other important things.

It's saturday and I awoke with universe-changing energy, y'know what I mean? One of those mornings that anything and everything is possible. I make it to the grocery stores, using the coupons before expiration. Ready to clean (turning the music up to cheer up the neighbors) and check my email. I get this fantastic piece and want to forward it to all my crazies. I do. Or so I think. The attachments don't follow and I'm hit with emails of "????". I begin to copy and paste the pix. Nightmares of work. I try to resend them in another format, failure. Aye, the toilet is getting farther from cleaning. Topeka! I have and idea! Post the little bastards on spatagram. Here we go. The title of this email was, "What Chef's Do When They're Bored." Off to the john.

Yankee Key West.

I hail from a sleepy little fishing village on the CT shore. I took up residence there while in college, I was haunting the area restaurants as a waiter/bartender/jackass and had the pleasure of meeting of life's elite denizens. One eccentric was Stan. Stan was a stockbroker in NYC until he had a breakdown and lost his mind. He didn't lose his fortune as his family stepped in and organized a trust for him. Stan's had no regard for social grace, and no use for the constraints of fashion. He would spend his days mowing lawns (at 55) in cut off jeans, a lavender bandana, cowboy boots and a fez. He wouldn't turn the mower off in between gigs, he would just walk it down main street to the next gig. Yep, we had lots of color in Yankee Key West. Here's Stan in the Hump De Bump, at a fab watering hole called Bill's.

Embrace.

I embrace certain things for aesthetics; colors, textures, musics, herbs, drugs, vegetables. This spring I took on the colors brown and pink. I loved them around and on me. I would take time to actually observe them when I found them out in the world. If they were in a display or in a magazine I used to love to watch them play together. The sort of fed each other's hue and made me very happy. I was also reminded of a dessert Gramma Spats made once with pink pudding in a chocolate pudding cake; zucco da bomba. When I take on these sensory fan clubs is not organized, they find me.

I was preparing some beautiful squash this summer when I came back to oregano. I used to grow it back in CT and loved the savory spike it made in everything. Salads, dressings, sauces all were brought 'up' in a way with it's addition. I loved that it was a perennial (grows back every year) and made a nice border in the garden. I thru into most of my cooking this year in dried and fresh form. I had it in my grow window, and on the patio. I loved the smell and texture of the fresh, equally.

This fall I fell upon Vicodin. A pain reliever, and when taken with red wine, a trip. Two with a glass of red wine was a quilt of bliss, rendering you complete and comfy. The drug and the wine move thru you like a massage therapy on your soul. Never drive on this concoction, only recreational pharmacate when safe and couch bound. Magazines with pretty pictures enhance the experience as do movies. Four Vicodin and a bottle of red wine is not good, trust me. Keep moderation Mod.

I left Vicodin for Spaghetti Squash. I love the idea of harvest time in the autumn and squash season. Butternut Squash Bisque, baked patty pan squash with parmesan and breadcrumbs, and roasted acorn squash with molasses and brown suqar all remind me of the fall and make my taste buds very happy. A friend back in the day (Tony's 20's, remind me to blog about them sometime) taught me how to lunch, and how to entertain. At one afternoon class, she made me spaghetti squash and taught me it's preparation.
Slice the yellow football shaped veggie in half, lengthwise. With a spoon, remove the seeds and the seeds fibers. Rub with olive oil and season with salt and pepper. Place into a 350 degree oven, hollowed side down, for 45 minutes. Remove and let cool enough to handle. Fork the flesh of the baked squash and release the fibers of the squash which will fall away from the skin resembling spaghetti. Once all the 'pasta' is removed adjust seasonings and serve. I'm very partial to parmesan and a little oregano (of course). The spaghetti squash is amazing as a side dish and even makes a satisfying main dish. I'm averaging one squash every ten days. It's affordable and so yummy.

So there's no telling what I'll rally behind next, I'm constantly auditioning life as I do for it. Give and take is the only way to get anywhere in life I guess. These litte experiment/obsessions find me and install me as president of their fan club. I've really enjoyed these periods as they give me a porthole to bring back the times that I had surrounding them. Those days come right back with the aid of sound, touch, taste and smell. It's a nice scrapbook. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go eat the leftovers from last nites squash. So tasty.

2007 AMERICAN FILM MARKET: TLA RELEASING ACQUIRES SOCKET

2007 AMERICAN FILM MARKET: TLA RELEASING ACQUIRES SOCKET

Sci-fi, gay horror hybrid wants you to plug in…to get off on March 25, 2008

(Philadelphia PA / London, UK, November 5, 2007) TLA Releasing has secured non-theatrical, home video, VOD rights for North America and United Kingdom to SOCKET (2007, U.S.) written and directed by Sean Abley. The film will be released on DVD March 25, 2008 in North America and the summer of 2008 in the United Kingdom, through the TLA Releasing label.

TLA acquired the film from Los Angeles based production company, Velvet Candy Entertainment; TLA Releasing was represented by TLA partner and Director of Acquisitions Richard A. Wolff and the deal was negotiated by writer, director, producer Sean Abley and producers John Carrozza and Doug Prinzivalli of Velvet Candy Entertainment. The deal was finalized at 2007 AFM.

“SOCKET contains elements of sci-fi and horror wrapped up in an unconventional gay romance.” Said Richard Wolff of TLA Releasing. “Production company Velvet Candy Entertainment has some exciting projects in the pipeline and their first project is an accessible, entertaining blend of sexy chills and thrills.”

In SOCKET, surgeon Bill Matthews (Derek Long) is recovering in the hospital where he works, after being struck by lightning on the beach. His intern is the mysterious and sexy Craig Murphy (Matthew Montgomery of Gone But Not Forgotten), who has been struck by lightning too. As Bill is released from the hospital, Craig slips him a card inviting him to a meeting of “people just like us.”

Intrigued by this “group,” Bill gets up the courage to attend and find other survivors who have been electrocuted in massively creative ways. But as the doctor discovers, the members are hooking themselves up in order to get off. And not only does Bill become hooked to the “juice,” his relationship with Craig really sparks, leaving a trail of dead bodies and blood in its wake.

"When we started working on SOCKET just over a year ago, we would say to each other 'Wouldn't it be great if TLA picked up our film?' said writer/director/co-producer Sean Abley. “And now here we are working with TLA on the first of, hopefully, many more films to come. We're thrilled to say the least."

For additional information about SOCKET visit

www.tlareleasing.com and http://www.myspace.com/socketthemovie

Ads, DD, and ADD.

I took the plunge and put my name back into circulation for background work. It's ugly and degrading and really makes one want to beat-up homeless children. October was lean for finances necessitating my need to get creative in my fundraising. Since I can't dig up the backyard and throw a humdinger of a pigroast, I concocted the plan that extra work will help me out, and maybe I'll sign up for one of those UCLA studies that pay you to sleep plugged into odd devices that measure your snoring or brainwaves (they're interchangeable on me on sundays). I was bitching about the economy with friend Drew when he relayed the story of a friend who was making extra skrilla on the internet without the aid of webcam. His blog was blinging with advertisements. He was getting a monthly check from Google. Oh, yeah, I need me some of that. We figured that if it works, why not try it out on Spatagram, seeing as Spatagram is trying enough. This tome is frequented by the freaky, read by the red and enjoyed by the coy and they all deserve the opportunity to be sold to. Prostitution and I go way back (prostitution itself goes way back on it's own) so peruse, cruise and buy.

I get very lazy on Sundays and all I really want to do is watch my Netflix. Today I have a giant pot of meat sauce on the stove that is perfuming the apartment as well as the courtyard. I was able to stave myself off the meatballs and they are now safely simmering in the pot. Sauce really isn't labor intensive as it is a labor of love. I couldn't commit to my movies as I would be cooking. Frequently stirring was taking me away from my newspaper/magazines/book. But it's completely necessary as well as worth it. I like a little background noise when I read, it's like a little perk. Today I had the tv on The Food Channel, my latest relationship. I can watch all of their programming consecutively as easily as I could a Law & Order marathon. I had to do something different today since I could see evidence of a rut coming onto my psyche. I turned the tv to Daredevil (DD)with Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner. This movie really was pretty good to watch because I always have new questions when I watch it. "Where was the director when Colin Farrell was going amok?" "Why were the last few scenes necessary?" "How did this movie get this long?" "Where was the director?" John Favreau made laugh from beginning to end, he doesn't get enough work. I really do enjoy the fight sequences and watching Jennifer Garner move, she really kicks some ass. I'm working up the nerve to see the spin-off Elektra, just for those reasons. I heard it was worse than DD.

My ADD has been flying out.................what was I saying? (Love that joke) Crazy today, how it's taken my three tries to clean the kitchen, pick up the flat, make the bed, sign on to AdSense and right my todo list for the week. If there was an aerial camera I think you would have enjoyed watching me look for who moved my cheese. Time to stir the sauce, I can smell that it needs it.

The meatballs were delicious.

Oh my god. I can't stop.

End. Of the week.

So I just made a big tray of meatballs. Don't ask me why, I just had this craving for my mom's meatballs and do a fairly food impression of them. The kitchen smells just like home. Tommorrow I plan on making a big thing of sauce to freeze and eat off for the next month. Yummers. It's a process to make this meatsauce, involving the early morning readying of the pan with garlic then massive amounts of tomatoes set to cookdown. Eventually the meat is added and the stirring continues through the day. I have netflix to catch up on and have to promise myself I won't keep eating the meatballs, not only are they tasty, they'll flavor the sauce. Damn meatballs.


Speaking of meatballs, here's Mario Lopez in his Halloween costume. I must admit he's grown into that head nicely. I never was one of the "Saved By The Bell" junkies (I am a self confessed Melrose die hard) but i never found him cute. I still don't really think he's attractive but his body stops taffice. J ran into himonce in a mens room in Studio City. He's a putz. But with a rocking ass. Maybe I'll go eat one more meatball before I clean the kitchen. Peace.

Perfected.

This is very funny. Ann Coulter (nutbag, microphone junkie, pundit,and hatemonger) recently said that "Jews just needed to be perfected" by embracing christianity. The very funny people at Barely Political made this beautiful tribute to Ann, entitled Perfected. I'm telling you, if this doesn't make you laugh, you probably don't like christmas as well.

Tricks. Treats.

Here's a few snaps from what is usually the most boring nite at work. People that come to our restaurant are usually trying to escape the holiday, at the beach. Aren't they pleasantly suprised to find a dining room full of psychos. Yeah, it really goes over well. And don't you love how Halloween has become the national holiday for sluts to get really slutty? Trick. Treat.

Rabbit, rabbit.

Oh, no................November. So fast, so short, so festive and seasonal. If one didn't know better it would be confused with the jockey that won the last Kentucky Derby. Yuk Yuk Yuk. Rabbit, rabbit let's start up a lucky end to the year.

Wasn't October fun? I don't remember a whit, as it blew by fast as can be. It needs to be said that October is important for being Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Transgendered History month. The month is half over by the time you say all of that. Our history is a ripe one, much like a tomato on the vine early in the month, plump and sun ripened, fighting the cold evenings. We conquered nations, painted frescos and arranged flowers; all done with aplomb. We are to be commended and encouraged to keep climbing until we have the equal rights alotted our straight brothers and sisters as well as the ability to love freely. I love seeing same sex couples holding hands out and about. To me that is the revolution and the reward. Granted, I live in an informed metropolitan area, where there is a greater frequency for seeing these events. I pray that we'll eventually secede from the union.

I actually pray that most of the coastal states that touch the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans would form a new America, America Adjacent. North America, South America, and America Adjacent would be these stunning little countries with parenthesis around the ignorance that re elected this presidential mo mo. Being the coastal support to neighboring nations would only secure our fiscal place in the global economy and even further our society. It would be a little bit of a squeeze play, but the thrill of no longer being attached to states that can't still seperate church and state would be worth it. America Adjacent would be unique being the first country to be split in half by three thousand miles. Geographically it would be very attractive on a map and easy to find for challenged students and football players. Partisanship would no longer exist as every senator and congressman would have to bargin more to get necessities for their states. Ideally our borders would be strictly enforced and our coasts preserved. Ideally citizenship for America Adjacent would require a series of test proving aptitude, expemplary citizenship, attitude and commitment to furthering the success of the nation. Oh and spelling and penmanship would count fifteen percent. All of the old holidays would be done away with, Presidents Day, Executive Assisstants Day, Columbus Day, MLK Day. New ones would be created to celebrate diversity and they would be two days together, one to recover. Geographically, fiscally and culturally America Adjacent would be superior and lead the continent by example. I like it.

Halloween came and went much like October itself; furiously. The WeHo crowd had a record turn out for the annual Halloween Carnival with stunning weather too. Sadly I did not attend, as work is the priority right now. We are made to dress in costume in celebration of the holiday, ironically one of our slowest evenings for business. One of the most successful costumes in years past was a managers spin as Robert Goulet. With the blazer replete with suede patches, dark sweater, shades and the real Gidget on his arm 'Goulet' made the rounds that evening belting out instructions in a hearty baritone and spilling his martini on guests. It was very successful. Sadly, the real Mr Goulet passed away two days prior to Halloween. He was awaiting a lung transplant here in Los Angeles. Mr Goulet is one of those post-Rat Pack icons who left an indullable mark on American Culture as a performer. With a career that spanned 43 years Goulet will be remembered for a powerful voice and larger than life sense of showmanship. I saw him several years ago in Hartford, CT touring the nation as Arthur in 'Camelot'. When he sang time stopped. It was an amazing moment for me to witness as an artist and fan.