Today's Art Minute.

It's funny when Life imitates Art. Today in Milan artist Gino De Dominicis unveiled this ginormous sculpture of an exposed skeleton in the Piazzo Reale. It's a fantastic comment on the commercialization of history with a lack of regard for tradition.

Photo from Milanodailyphoto

In the same school of thought, conservatives in New York are up in arms (pun reverently implied) over a life-size sculpture of Jesus Christ done in chocolate. Artist Cosimo Calallero has entitled his work, "My Sweet Lord". Sacrilege has been cried but one can't help but wonder if the critics are more upset that it's Lent Season and they may have given up chocolate? Or maybe they're peeved as to the sculpture being anatomically correct? And brown? Or maybe they're just bothered as to the Italians being bigger. In general. And privates (pun blatantly inserted) (again).

Photo from Warga/News

In the same school house rocking thought Mexican artist Joe Bravo is packing the house with his acryllics on tortilla artwork. Currently visiting Los Angeles with his lunchbox portfolio and dazzling the crowds at the Mexican Cultural Institute. Mr Bravo began working on tortillas as an art student in school when he didn't have money for canvas. I'm ain't shitting you here. Che Gueverra on a tortilla, Christ in Chocolate and Giant bones in Milan; this has got to mean something in the great scheme of things. It may not be the Apocolypse, but it could mean the weekend is nigh.

Photo from Reuters

PS all of the artists got their start.....................................................playing with their food.

Michael Phelps.

Whoah. At the 12th Annual FINA World Championships in Melbourne, Michael Phelps kicked ass. In the 200 meter freestyle, Phelps broke the world record with an amazing one minute 43:86 seconds. Phelps blew past his expected competition, Pieter Van Den Hoogenband of Denmark, holder of the 2000 Olympic Gold, in the final 100 meters of the event. A benchmark at the competition, Phelps is the first swimmer to make a new world record in the Susie O'Neill Pool. And can someone say smokin'?

photo courtesy of what a week.

Special Guest Star: Robin Hood!!!

Primetime Television held different value when I grew up. It was more personal and special. It was a visitor to entertain the family in the evening and provider of deprogramming from the perils of the world. Mind you this is before Xanax and Cable. Back in those days, Special Guest Stars brought such merit to tv shows, you might even sit up a bit straighter, lest they see you slouch. Special Guest Stars were whipped cream on nipples and cherries on cake. Again, this was tv before Xanax or Cable. Spatagram's very first Special Guest Star knows alot about tv, cable and Xanax. Our first Special Guest Star is Mr Hood.

To publish his photo would be criminal, as he is. He steals from the rich (scum), gives to the poor (blessed) and does so with all the gentille grace and charm of the Robin Hood of fiction. First and foremost he's a gentleman with manners almost as good as his taste. It's good breeding followed by an education at The School Of Hard Knox that made Mr. Hood the pinnacle of manHood that he is now. He's articulate, artistic, capable, creative and enterprising. He's steadfast, loyal, funny and foul. He's everything you would want from a contemporary metrosexual without the fuss and drama. His sensibilities would almost seem fey if they were viewed from a distance. That is so not the case. Mr. Hood (as he is regarded since Day 1) is a straight arrow but not narrow. His time among thieves and queens made him know that people are all equal in the great Sherwood Forrest, it's just that some people have class and some do not (even those born into it). Mr Hood teaches his band of Merry Men the greatest lessons. Most can't be repeated even in Spatagram but the Special Guest Star wanted to share his theory on;

Queen For A Day.

There are hurdles we all cross to mark life experience. You can't drive a car until you are sixteen and are licensed. You must register for the draft at eighteen. You can't legally consume alchohol until you are twenty one. You must be a Notary Public to officiate documents. There has long been a dream that everyone must work in a restaurant for ninety days to obtain the privelage of dining out. Mr Hood has created the concept that straight people could understand Life alot better if they were a Queen for a day, and he doesn't mean a notarized queen. He means a motorized queen. A fabulous array of artistic and musical gifts are typical of gay people. Flair play and fair play abounding, the straight person is made gay and made to feel the beat of the Gay World. How Jesse Helms would look dancing with his hands snapping, way over his head, glow sticks poking out of his Lucky Brand Jeans. How Rush Limbaugh would enjoy trying some of our designer gay drugs. Yes, we have better toys, drugs, clothes and food. We know Armani, panini and Judy. Being Gay usually means you double your wardrobe. We earn more, we spend more and have been proven to be better bosses. Our social attributes almost outweigh our materialistic, but then again we're a Prada of our environment.

We can flatter, coax, cajole or protect in words and deeds. By the same token we can go cruel, cold and vicious when provoked. Our words have been forged in the fires of Irony. We've been the subject of scorn since the middle ages and yet we have molded society. Our tribe members built empires, painted masterpieces and cured disease. We're narcistic, but what's wrong with being self-motivated when you leave monuments. Some people tear down cultures while we preserve, and pickle. Being gay increases your skill sets and hightens your sensitivities. You no longer stagger brashly through the Universe, ignorant to your surroundings. When you need to be aware that a fraction of society wants to attack you in ferocity because of who Life chooses you to love; your senses sharpen. You harken to protect yourself and your loved ones. Constant vigilance is annoying, but what you learn on the way, provocative.

Learning hurts, Fame costs and right here's where you start paying, in sweat. After people are tortured for a while they must put on a dress, or suit depending. We learn how to function in disaster, but we should finish in style. They should understand gender from the other side. They should lose all sense of self in drag drug and dredge. They should dance in a tribal fashion with their peers. They should love and lose. They should gain and garner. Life needs to be lived spherically, in all directions otherwise all experiences are limited. Gays learn to frolic, Fendi, and to fend for ourselves.

Queen For A Day is a phenomenal idea. I don't think it could be administered as universally as the country needs it but if we could begin, one straight road at a time, we may find that real women have curves. Now that's funny on three levels. (you heard me Kent) Many thanks Robin Hood to the straightegy of Queen For A Day, I loved it and think the readers will too.

Shaun Cassidy.

If this doesn't make you smile, for whatever reason, then you need to check your pulse.

My hip-new look, or my new-hip look.

I can't take credit for looking this good. This is actually a pro-swimmer from the XII annual FINA Swimming Championships currently happening in Melbourne. The kid obviously has never met a carb.

Colorful Vocabulary, Even Beautiful; Or CV Oh, Oh.

Groak: verb: To stare at longingly.

There are some words out there that make one think, "That can't possibly be a word". Wa is one. Compartmentalize is another. When spoken they hang in the air like an awkward christmas ornament or a beautiful woman with one earring or a plate of spaghetti with one meatball. It's uncomfortable to view and makes you question authority. Recently on the Rachel Ray show, a representitive from Websters' Oxford Collegiate Dictionary let the perky emissary of satan that her impact has been felt (heard) linguistically. RR's locomotion-like performance media domination has had a couple of constant calling cards, her mantra repeated "I'm Rachel Ray and I......" and her incessant use of "EVOO", an abreviation for Extra Virgin Olive Oil. Aside from her tv shows, cookbooks, line of cookware, and her own extra virgin olive oil RR has now distributed language. You bet I'm jealous.

One of Spatagram's missions is to effectively affect language and popularize polarized phrases and vocab words little known. We worship Anomanapia and waltz at the beginning of Ball Season. Little things are important and presentation; everything.

Groak is a little used word that is sometime applied to a dog's presence at the dinner table. They will stare longingly in hopes of being a part of the feeding. It's one part worship and one part begging. Sista Sal opened up a christmas present one holiday to find a fleecy, blackish coat. The color was an awesome charcoal and the weight, perfect. It sat fresh from the holiday package. My eyes went big, my tongue went long and before anyone knew it, I was trying it on. The jacket wasn't even warm to her touch and it was gone. Tjuzed and adored, the coat was mine. Sista Sal dropped her shoulders and said, "Well there that goes". We have a saying in our house, "The first one up's the best dressed', that's straight from Uno (Papa) To say that the power of my groak was enormous would be lacking, it was my grab that was rewarding.

I seem to have a penchant for groaking for clothing, this is not to be confused with burping for clothing which is a drinking game we can get it into at another time. At the restaurant I work in the GM got some swag from a surf company and the PRIZE was a purple courderoy lightweight jacket. The color was royal and the cut handsome. My groak was not ignored as the GM delivered said coat to me the following day. "I don't think I could wear this as well as you". It does look good on me and has fast become a prize in my rags. Sista Sal's coat is not forgotten mind you, it just aging and wearing out in spots. Perish the thought that I would give it up for a local parish clothing drive, or ever part with this prize part of the wardrobe. I'm just spreading the wealth that is my body covering.

The aural of our story today is that groak is a powerful tool in discussion, and not that I'm a clothes whore. Well, maybe it is a little bit both but mostly groak has every right to be used just as much as EVOO. It was a word before, and can even be used with."Groaking for EVOO........" damn I just used rachelslang, I'm such a language whore. Spread around the Anomanapia, the Penchant, the Courderoy, the Tjuz, and especially the Groak. Maybe someone will give you something.

Lightning Strikes.

Who'd have thought that we'd have such and uproar over comicbooks and so many actors running to play heros they'd worshipped growing up. Remember when the trend was for straight actors to want to play gay roles? Now everyone wants to be in tights.

Red Alert, literally. Word on the street is that New Line Pictures executives are looking to find themselves a superhero franchise and are talking with Jake Gyllenhaal about playing Captain Marvel. You know the hero with the gold lame and jaunty one shoulder cape, that one. Oh he's the one who jumpstarts his being by looking to the heavens and shouting "SHAZAM!!!" This has a lot of the same warning bells that the Halle Berry/Catwoman movie had. Idea, Star, Contract, Movie, Premiere- whoops, did anyone remember to find a script? Here we go, get ready for a whole new school of jokes coming down the mountain.

Celery, Celebrity, Brita.

Celery is an all important vegetable. It's proud, it groes upright towards the sun. It's fancy as it bears leafy foliage. It's popular in being a fundamental ingredient in cooking styles french and cajun. The french use celery in the basic three ingredients of mirepoix; celery, carrots and onions. Mirepoix starts many a recipee. New Orlean's spirituality pokes fun at the necessity of such a component. They use a similar ingredient of celery, onions and peppers that they refer to as The Holy Trinity. This important vegetable formula shows the celebrity that celery. My favorite use of celery, outside of as a sipstir in a nice Bloody Mary, is an analogy by Mary D. Mary D was an amazing boss who's talent was in banquet managing, but her words could be applied to any job:

"Thing about this industry is that the salary is too much like celery, insulting
when they hit you with it, and composed mostly of water. "

Mostly water, I love that. Such a shame that water isn't the symbol of purity that it used to be.













Celebrity is the seperation from ordinary to extraordinary. It means the state of being celebrated or widely known and regarded. Los Angeles is a land extremely well populated with celebrities and those wanting to cross-over. My favorite game to play in the market is Incognito Celebrity where I don a cap and sunglass and dash about the grocery store to do my business leaving a wake of "Do I know him...." in my absence. Celebrity is composed mostly of water when you look at it. Everyone is basically the same, only some are more puffy than others. Case in point, Puff Daddy. He is a celebrity and overblown, but still puts his pants on one leg at a time. When I meet celebrities I don't gush as a rule. But my tastes are different, only special things catch my eye. Like meeting Yvonne Craig, the original Batgirl. I was working at the restaurant when a large table was passing around some paraphenelia from a tv show. The headgear looked superheroinish and I querried, "Batgirl or Catwoman?" to a friendly guest. My friend informed me that the guest of honor was none other than the original Batgirl from the Batman tv show in the sixties. I said, "Yvonne DeCarlo?". My friend said, "No. That's dead Lily Munster, this is Yvonne Craig." Blast and Tarnation, I've always done that. Oooops. As Ms Craig left I thanked her for coming in to the restaurant and let her know how much I enjoyed her celebrity on "Batman". She was so cool in purple. She gave me a big hug and a kiss as she promised to come in again. I also encountered Mario Lopez recently, who's no batgirl. He entertained a young nymph at a popular eatery I frequent. My partner encountered him in the restroom and received a surly look from the uber male. I'm sorry, you need to be this high (puts open hand to mid-chest) to ride the rides of ubermale with arrogance. He dallied in the restroom long enough to hawk up a loogie, and text his next bim-du-jour that he was on the way. I hope that super mario gets saved by a bell of reality since celebrity is fleeting, like an enema, and just like an enema, mostly water. Pictured here with our favorite cad on Nip/Tuck, Julian McMahonn, Mario in water and celebrity plays an "annoyingly fit, younger plastic surgeon. Celebrity has a way of disappearing, one day's feast is then next's to go box. What goes up, does come down.













Brita is a filtration system that removes impurities from water. It is a fantastic item that makes great tasting water and healthy too. It makes a wonderful housewarming gift to someone in their first apartment and make shift vase when they need one. I find that if you're dealing with a large amount of H20 you need to discern the good parts from the bad. A Brita is a great aid in this. Would that more things in life could have this capability.

"Hit 'em with a purse. Theirs."

When you really want to hurt someone, you get them where they live. Hitting someone in their finances is an amazing tool in working with people, it's effects are lasting. Everyone knows that hate mongering is really a hot item lately and some people are maligning the english language as well as people's countenance. Case in point, Isaiah 'Faggot' Washington still kept his job after on-set scrap with Patrick Dempsey leading to outing co-star TR Knight, but went to rehab. The man has anger subscriptions, not issues. In the lucrative contract re-negotiations currently happening in the Gray's Anatomy family, Isaiah wasn't given a seat at the table. Isn't that nice, ABC is finally punishing Washington. His homophobia will cost him millions.

Ann 'Faggot' Coulter thought herself a card in addressing the Conservative's largest organization when calling Democratic Presidential hopeful John Edwards a faggot. This caused many of her peers and Republican Presidential hopefuls to distance themselves from this cokewhore. Many of her sponsors have begun to pull advertising from her website in response. I wonder why they could have been there in the first place but I tend to be naive. This scene grabber courtesy of CNN happens to be funny on two levels. You don't find these goodies on FOX I tell you.

The nicest purse slapping that is happening to Ann won't make it to the mainstream media. Ann's kept company with a conservative pundit making the rounds as a put-upon Columbia student and marine corps. reservist. Cpl. Matt Sanchez was also known for a while as Rod Majors in some blue movies. Truth be known he's a former gay porn star with impressive credentials. If you can't see Glory Holes 3, he was recently on FOX news' Bill O'Reilly Factor and Hannity and Colmes bemoaning the Columbia students treatment of military persons on campus in reaction to the war. He promises to play both sides of the field with an exclusive interview with blogger Joe.My.God.

"So what happened on your date last
night?"

"Nothing. He's not my
type."

"I thought you told me he was pretty butch
and into you?"

"He seemed great. When we met I thought
he was the strong silent type."

"And?"

"And at dinner he opened up, and a purse fell
out of his mouth."

-Unknown Gay Lore

"Hit 'em with a purse. Theirs."

Everyone knows that hate mongering is really a hot item lately and some people are maligning the english language as well as people's countenance. Case in point, Isaiah 'Faggot' Washington still kept his job after on-set scrap with Patrick Dempsey leading to outing co-star TR Knight, but went to rehab. The man has anger subscriptions, not issues. In the lucrative contract re-negotiations currently happening in the Gray's Anatomy family, Isaiah wasn't given a seat at the table. Isn't that nice, ABC is finally punishing Washington. His homophobia will cost him millions.

Ann 'Faggot' Coulter thought herself a card in addressing the Conservative's largest organization when calling Democratic Presidential hopeful John Edwards a faggot. This caused many of her peers and Republican Presidential hopefuls to distance themselves from this cokewhore. Many of her sponsors have begun to pull advertising on her website in response. I wonder why they could have been there in the first place but I tend to be niave.

The nicest purse slapping that is happening to Ann won't make it to the mainstream media. Ann's kept company with a conservative pundit making the rounds as a put-upon Columbia student and veteran. Truth be known he's a former gay porn star with impressive credentials.

Gift wrapped.

Season salmon filets with salt and pepper and fresh thyme.

Place thinly sliced yukon gold potato slices in a slightly overlapping progression. Wrap salmon in potato overcoat, seal with some water on edges and fry in olive oil in very hot pan. Eight minutes per side. Be very careful when turning bundle over. Shred yellow and green squash with carrots to spaghetti length and width with cheese grater and tossing herb butter. Blanch a bundle of chives and toss into blender with olive oil, salt and pepper. To plate; layer a bird's nest of spaghetti veg in center of plate, crown with salmon and jazz up plate with blended chive oil. The end result is Disco Bob's Leisure Salmon.

SOCKET Movie Trailer

Here's a movie I shot last year with some fantastic people.

Rabbit, rabbit.

Hope springs eterenal and Spring eternally hopes. Can you imagine such a mild winter ending so fast? Truth inconvenienced most states for only two weeks or so. This is such a far cry from 'when we were kids'. In the closing of this season we bring luck to the month ahead with the cry of 'rabbit rabbit', that wonderful incantation first uttered on the first day of the month. And here at Spatagram, we look back on the wonders of the month prior.











February always zips by. It's like a wormhole to spring. That damn groundhog lights the match and before we know it the short month is gone. I like spring in the same way that I enjoy March, they are both nouns and verbs. Alot like pork they have various settings where they are appropriate and not. I would never march right in and spring this on you but I know that spring is in march. I used to live in a little cottage near the ocean and every year I would plant daffodils on the front lawn so they would let everyone know the snow was done. And seeing as they naturalize, or spread, every year my proclamation would get louder. Spring forth and run into this next year.











Former NBA player John Amaechi sprung the news of him being a retired gay ballplayer on the nation this past month, making him the first of the sport to do so. Amaechi, 36 has done more in his life and seen more places in the world than all of the midwest and most of the red states of the Americas. His superiority lies in his mother being british and his schooling being european. Maybe his superiority just lies in his being a very tall, published, out gay male. The purpose of the preceeding generalizations are to parallel those made by his 'colleague' Tim Hardaway in response to Amaechi's coming out.

"You know, I hate gay people, so I let it be known," Hardaway said. "I don't
like gay people and I don't like to be around gay people. I am homophobic. I
don't like it. It shouldn't be in the world or in the United States."

If ignorance is bliss then the locker room is Eden.











Financial guru and all around personality Suze Orman came out as well. Is anyone suprised? My favorite line from the internet is "...analyst and personality Suze Orman has come uot. And in her own inimitable style has announced she is a lesban." These little things in life and words make me smile. I love the fact that every month we add more faces to the community that our youth can look up to. As role models Orman and Amaechi are accomplished and they're just plain tall. (Look up to. Role model. Tall. I slay me)











On a fantastic note, comicbook supergroup The Fantastic Four return to the movie theatres in june following their lackluster debut in 05. "Fantastic Four 2: Rise Of The Silver Surfer" kicks off the summer movie blitz and this looks like it might redeem itself.



On another fantastic note, country singer Kenny Chesney spoke out on the rumors that he is gay. His ill-fated marriage to Academy Award winner Renee Zellweger ended in divorce with the actress filing to annul the marriage on the grounds of 'fraud'. Subsequently, there has been speculation to his sexuality prompting him to go the route of Clay Aiken and stand on the mountain top proclaiming his hetero es mas macho. Of course the top he chose was Anderson Cooper and CNN. Now that's funny on three levels (you know). As the sayings go, "where there's smoke there's flamer." "If it walks like a duck, and lisps like a duck, chances are...". He is one fine looking dude, we would be fortunate to have him in our fold. He'd look good in the front row of the class photo @ HQ. But his self-loathing has brought him to a recent photo shoot with a supermodel as damage control. This always lends credibility. Remember back in the day when Dan Quayle was beefing up his image with the troops and was handling that rocketlauncher? Backwards? It's the same school of thought, that a picture is worth a thousand words, I mean it worked for Ryan Seacrest with Teri Hatcher.



And speaking of shitting you, American Airlines announced today that customers in coach class will be allowed to use the restrooms in first class. Yes, you can make all kinds of 'head of the class' jokes if you wish, I'm not properly caffeinated to do all the puns for you. No word on what the mile high club has to say on this. Divide up into discussion groups and make the jokes up, prizes will be awarded for originality and color. Rabbit, rabbit.